Fluffy Tops And Green Bottoms

Apologies in advance for any spelling or grammatical mistakes in this post. I have written it on my phone, which is never easy. Actually, WordPress for iPhone is quite good… just a bit small I guess. Also, I have 20 minutes to write this update, I’m on a lunchtime timer!

Kelly and I are attending the flower arranging course I mentioned, and it’s been a shock to the system. The first shock, we can’t use our phones during class. No phone calls, no texts, no tweets… it’s like being in the dark ages! The second shock, one break in the morning, one in the afternoon, and 30 minutes for lunch! On a plus side, it’s for our own good, we are not here to drink coffee, we are here to learn. Still, it’s like being back at school, or being at “real work”, where someone tells you what you can and can’t do… We are just not used to whole concept I guess.

It has been fun though, it’s been quite strict, but we have had a giggle or two.

Wednesday, our first day of three days, was pretty basic, it is aimed at beginners, which is what we are, so at least, now we know how to make a basic flower arrangement. The fluffy coloured end goes to the top, and the green twiggy end is at the bottom. Always!

Getting ready, and getting out of the house on time was a complete joke on Wednesday morning, but we both made it on time, somehow! The motorway was a complete nightmare. I rolled into the car park with 5 minutes to spare, Kelly was already there, but she hadn’t been there long, so we set off to find the room. Like two new starters at school, we were totally lost, so by the time we found where we should be, we were late.

There is 21 people on the course, 20 women and one man. Wouldn’t you just guess that we ended up with the man on our table. A number of trestle tables are set out, with three or four students around each one. All the kit we need is supplied, secateurs, pliers, ribbons, paper, all sorts of stuff piled neatly in front of us. Buckets filled with water, containing cut flowers sit on the floor around us.

At first, we thought our man companion, who was on the opposite side of the trestle table from Kelly and I, was just a bit clumsy. We lost count of how many times he dropped things on the floor. Bending to pick up dropped secateurs on numerous occasions. Then Kelly whispered in my ear… “I think he’s looking at us from under the table… I hope you’ve got clean pants on”! Fortunately, I did… Wednesday just happens to be “clean pants day”.

15 minutes of break time flew by, 30 minutes of lunch did too. Afternoon break was just manic. 30 minutes of lunch consisted of, 20 minutes of choosing lunch, five minutes visiting the toilet… 5 minutes swallowing lunch on the way back to the room. Then of course, everyone mingles as well, and the main topic of most conversations, revolves around why each of us are here. Our man for instance, wants to set up business with his wife after loosing his job. She was supposed to be here too, but was unwell. Maybe if she was here, he wouldn’t drop so much stuff on the floor?

The day passed very quickly though, and we both enjoyed it, we feel we have learned something. One thing being, wear jeans to class in future!

Driving home in the “rush hour”, Oh what fun that is, on a busy M56… everyone is driving up everyone’s arse, but I got home OK in the end. After tea, we watched the League Cup Semi-Final, second leg, between Liverpool and the Billionaires from down the road, Manchester City. And, and, in the end… we won!… Wembley, Wembley! Yay!

Anyway, I was a little bit inactive on the ol’ Tinternet yesterday, and I may be a little bit sparse today and tomorrow too… Gotta be a good girl at scool and all. But I have updated my website last night, so at least I have done something constructive.

So, it’s lunchtime, and I need to get back to class… 10 minutes ago!

I Wanna Baby

My name is Sarah, and I am a JellyBabyHolic, it’s been three weeks since my last Jelly Baby.

Why are the things we like, never any good for us? Chocolate. I love chocolate. I could melt chocolate and pour it into a bath and just lie in the stuff for days. Jelly Babies dipped in Nutella… It gives them little choccie hair styles. Amazingly yummy, yet so so so so bad!

Choccie and Jelly Babies make your teeth fall out, they make you spotty and ugly, and make your bum huge and wobbly… and massive! And that’s no good, not good at all. These are the things I tell myself, in order to put me off just pouring a whole bag af Babies down my throat in one go. Then of course, there is the mad sugar rush, which makes me manic… and nobody likes me when I’m in one of my manic spells. I get all hyeractive, and get on peoples tits with my hyperactivity.

So… One Jelly Baby per day is my ration at the moment until I am back on track… back to normal shape. Do you know how hard that is? Just one little teeny tiny Jelly Baby! I can tell you… It’s hard!

Even just writing about Babies, and choccie, and Baby heads dipped in hazelnut choccie makes me squirm… I want a Baby! Now!

I was driving behind a bus on Monday, might as well have parked my car and got on the damn thing… the speed it was going. On the rear of the bus, an advert for some spray, which helps smokers give up cigarettes. When they want a ciggie, they spray this shit on their tongues… Maybe someone should make one for Jelly Babies, or a patch or something.

It’s taken nearly a month of running, doing stupid amounts of exercises at home, lifting stupid weights in the gym, just to get back to where I was before Christmas. One week of excess, munching on choccie, mince pies, big dinners, numerous bottles of wine and Jack and Coke, and Gravity knows what else, has taken all of January to burn off.

7 days of piggery = 24 days of sluggery.

And you know what? Not a soul has noticed… not one! I worked last week, and got told I “Looked good” once or twice, and even when I said in reply… “Noooo…. I’m really fat and wobbly and horrid, and I look like a mince pie with turkey legs”, I just got laughed at.

I went to the gym on Monday, and I am almost back to where I want to be, just a couple of pounds over my “Happy weight”, so I celebrated with one Baby in the car afterwards. I am just a bag of sugar in weight overweight… Yay! Have a Baby!

I have been stealing hours. Monday afternoon I stole one short hour, and did some music sorting. I also stole another after University Challenge. TV was rubbish on Monday night, so I did something constructive instead.

I have been learning, what is known as a “Walking Bass Line”. Basically, it’s a really useful bass guitar riff, which is used and used again, in so many blues songs. You will have heard it so many times, possibly without even knowing, but once learned and mastered, it can be altered and modified to suit many tunes.

I have been working from a tab for 12 bar blues… Matty reckons it is written in some secret Martian Code… It’s just a simple Tab. So if you’re interested… here’s a copy.

18 Buns!

I have been trying to find this extra hour in the day, an hour I can claim back to get some music sorted. New stuff played, old stuff tidied up, and maybe even post something on my website. Actually, my website is in the middle of it’s um-teenth re-hash, which caused even more work, but it’s nearly back to working properly again.

I think, my problem with time management is, I have so many things I like to do with my spare time. I could include, flopping on the sofa whilst watching TV, as a major distraction. Cooking tea is another. I also like playing with MollyCat, going for walks on a Sunday, going for meals at the local pub. All these things take time out of a day, and it’s surprising how much really. Before I know it, time has just slipped away.

To be fair, I know I am rubbish at this whole time management thing, because I have tried many times before to organise myself. I have tried before, to become a lean, mean, time cheating machine, but it’s never worked in the past, and it’s not doing so good, right now either. I think I just like things the way they are, and no matter how much I wish to change… even with my eyes closed, this is how things will be. Forever.

I think, when you live with someone, you have to play fair. And sitting during an evening, wearing headphones, while possibly muttering too loudly… “Fuck fuck fuck”, as the latest piece of music goes tits up, isn’t really fair. My latest “Girlfriend Stats” are pretty good, I’m hovering around the 95% mark at the moment, and I score quite high in most areas. Even my cooking is gaining higher scores lately. However, I do fall down slightly in baking and ironing, but apparently I make up for that in other areas… which is nice to know!

I guess I can only do my best, and I’ve resigned myself to thinking… “This is as good as it gets”!

Saturday was pretty different from most Saturdays… which in many ways was quite good. At least it got me out of child supervision at my Nieces birthday party at the swimming baths, so thankfully, Saturday was spent with grown up intelligent adults… and Kelly.

We met up at Doreen’s shop, as we had three brides to see over the day, all spaced out enough to make this a great excuse to escape child supervision. Actually, one of my relatives posted on her Facebook… “Is at my cousins birthday party… I have saved 3 little people from drowning, but I am never volunteering for this shit ever again”! And that knowledge made me think I had made the right call.

Three brides… two with Mums, and one with future hubby, all booked in for this year… It’s hard to contain the glee while the customers are still in the shop. You have to swallow really hard, to stop yourself from shouting “Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah we booked another”! Then, when the door is closed, we all do a big squeal, like 3 school kids who have just found out the teachers are on strike. So, I thought I would share Kelly’s cartoon of the situation, I think that is supposed to be me on the right blowing a smoking gun… Hhhhhmmm.

But the little green dots which proclaim a job, on the shop wall planner, are starting to take some form of shape now, and already, we have topped last years total, and that’s something really worth jumping in the air about!

We did have a few giggles though. The future groom guy, seemed more interested in Kelly’s arse than anything else… Still, I guess chair decoration isn’t every guys idea of a fun-time Saturday, and I guess, Kelly’s arse was a definite improvement on his future wifes offering. We think he was rumbled in mid-peek, she definitely gave him dagger eyes, so maybe next time he ogles another girls bum, he won’t make it so obvious!

With the party over at the swimming baths, Matty and I made our way over to my Brothers House, or as Matty calls it… The Big Brother House. Yeah I know… I laughed too, but the family gathering coincided with the football match, which as it turned out, wasn’t worth watching anway… 3-1 to Bolton? You’re ‘aving a larf!

So, I believe 22 children attended the baths party, and each one brought Samantha a present. Most of my family went to the Big Brother House, armed with a present, as did the Wicked Witches relatives, and they had all cast the “Present Spell” too. Taking into account, Christmas has only just past… My Bro’s house now looks like a small branch of “Toys R Us”.

Sam is now 6 years old, and the time really has flown by, she has transformed into a funny, cheeky little madam, and even though I do say so myself, she’s very pretty. She gets that from the Lambert side… but that’s just me being biased I guess. So, I spent 15 minutes playing on the floor, and then I sat with my Dad, for a chat. We stuffed ourselves with cake, and then went home.

Sunday, the winds returned. Strong gusts which whistled in the chimney, and some rain too, just to make the whole day even more attractive. So, we did what most sane people do, on a pretty horrible wet and windy day… we went for a morning walk!

Up the little pathway, up the dangerously steep stone steps, and one circuit around the edge of the dam… Apart from the odd dog walker, nobody else seemed to think this was a good idea. Shall we just say “It was bracing”!

The rest of the day was pretty quiet, until we noticed MollyCat was low on cat dinners… So, do we starve the cat, or do we drive 5 miles to Asda? With one hour to go before closing time, we drove to Asda… just for cat biscuits! 30 minutes of shopping, and a basket full of Gravity knows what… In the end, we spent £31.64p, and we made the check out, just before the store closed for the day.

Asda have an area where they sell stuff off… fresh bread, which hasn’t sold, gets marked down, and some stuff which is near it’s sell by date, is marked down even further. Matty saw packs of hot cross buns marked down to 3 packs for £2… that’s 18 hot cross buns!

“Nooooo you won’t eat 18  buns… noooo you’re not havin’ ‘em”!

So that started the great chase… Me running off with the basket, while Matty chased me with the buns. I was caught by the back of my jeans in the shower gel aisle. Holding the basket above my head with both arms facing skyward, just resulted in 3 packs of buns being shoved down my top… They fell on the floor, so I ran off into fruit and veg, where we found another trolley displaying more hot cross buns… this time they were 35p for 6. So we came to a compromise… “If you can eat 18 buns in two days… these a bargain”!

Back at home, MollyCat looked relieved we had made it to the shop in time, and she also agreed, 18 buns is a ridiculous idea!

TV was rubbish on Sunday evening, 200 channels of absolute bobbins! A chance to grab an hour or two, and sort some music out, or at least make a start. Some of my part recorded tracks already have a bass line, done on my keyboard, which isn’t really ideal, so, I’m going to set about, re-recording a real bass. I can play the new bass though my iRig into my iPhone, but it’s not perfect. I think I will take the advice of buying a Line6 with I can record from. This music stuff is getting a bit expensive. Still, at some point the spending will cease… won’t it? Please stop!

Tomorrow, Monday, is a trip for new strings, I have been asking my friend Graham for recommendations on bass strings, I’ll have a look at a Line6 too, but not necessarily to buy a new one. Graham has a Line6 and swears by it… or at it, or both. I’ve seen it, and used it once, but I didn’t take too much notice at the time. No need… no look… now I have need, I guess I should have a good old nosey!

Ahoy Jim Lad… There Be Pirates!

My little Niece, Samantha, is having a Birthday Party on Saturday, which is possibly tomorrow, unless you read this on a different day.  Actually, she is having two. One for her little friends, and one for the family later. The first one, the one for her friends, is a swimming party, they have hired the pool at their local swimming baths. So, her Mum, The Wicked Witch, has been asking for help with supervision, and with overall general help I guess. Things must be pretty desperate, because she has now asked me if I would help. Well, to be more accurate, she didn’t ask me directly, she got my Brother to ask me instead. Sadly, and with great regret, I can’t help, because I have other stuff to do, but we will go to the family gathering later.

Today, I am going to take a little ramble through The Stop Online Piracy Act, which is a US House Bill aimed at preventing the public sharing of copyrighted material on the internet other than by the copyright holder.

Here’s a link to the Wiki page if you want to know more. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_Online_Piracy_Act

So, is SOPA of any interest to you? Well, if you use the internet in any way, Yes it will affect you in a huge way. If you think infringement of copyright isn’t something which affects you… YOU ARE PROBABLY WRONG.

Let’s take a quick look at Twitter avatars. Is your avatar a picture of you? Many people on my Twitter timeline use photos of footballers, photos of a football ground, photos of the European Cup, A football club logo, and even photos of Jedi Warriors… If that is the case, you have just infringed someone’s copyright!

But no worries, if SOPA goes through, there might not be a Twitter anyway. If you take a photo on your phone and upload it to Twitpic, that photo might infringe someones copyright. If you quote someone famous… that’s copyright infringement too.

Lets take a look at your Blog… have you got a banner which isn’t really yours? A view of Liverpool’s skyline maybe, or a photo of Anfield? Even if you took those pictures yourself, you don’t have the right to publish them. You need the permission of either Liverool City Council or Liverpool Football Club… Did you ask them? No! So, you would have to remove them all. If you didn’t take the photos yourself, and you just lifted them from the internet, did you ask for permission from the photographer who did take them. And, making it even more complicated, did he have permission to publish them in the first place?

Complicated? Yeah, it is, just a little bit… but that’s the whole point. A Bill aimed at protecting the copyright of the American Film Industry would also have the same implications for you and me.

Lets take my own website as an example. I have photos of Woodstock, The Isle of Wight Music Festival and various pics of rock bands, all used to illustrate articles… they all infringe somebodies copyright. Going even further, I have covered tunes by Slash, Deep Purple, Camel, Gary Moore and many others… I have never asked them if it was OK to post them on my website.

If you upload stuff to YouTube, you are definitely guilty too. Did you ask that band if you could film them playing live on your phone? Did you ask their permission to upload one of their songs onto YouTube?

See… the problem is, while nobody is bothered if you film a band on your phone, someone will be bothered if you share that footage with the whole world. It’s meant to be for your own use… But once you broadcast it on any form of social media, you are guilty of infringing copyright. There might not be a YouTube, Twitter, Facebook or even Wikipedia if the bill goes through. That’s how this Bill will alter all our lives.

It’s far more complicated, and more far reaching than I can explain, than anyone can explain, because once censorship gains a hold, who knows where it will lead. It’s really a case of Hollywood versus Silicon Valley, and we are caught up in the middle of a huge storm. We use both, we need both, but we also need our own personal freedom. That’s the problem here, a net designed to catch the big fish, will also snare us little fish too. Law isn’t accommodating. Law is all encapsulating, and what applies to an internet pirate, would also apply to you too.

I’ve overstayed my welcome, as I have a ton of stuff to do, so I will wish you a happy weekend, and as always, thanks for reading xox

Sod And His Law

We have been watching the star gazing  program on TV, aptly named… Star Gazing Live. Fascinating really, just to see where we fit into the universe, and how insignificant we really are. So, as we peer deeper and further into space, what are we likely to find? More baron planets, or is there life out there? And if there is other life somewhere in space, is there someone sat there wondering what to wear today?

There was a big thing made on last nights program, about what has become to be known as the “Wow signal”. Now maybe, you have to be really into this stuff to actually go “Wow”! I listened to it and just went “Hhhhmmm”… Perhaps if it was called the “Hhhhmmm signal” it wouldn’t have the same ring to it. It’s just a repetitive radio signal noise which nobody can explain. But lots of things have been seen, which cannot be explained over the years, some by some very credible witnesses. Airline pilots, and armed forces pilots have reported seeing Weird Flying Objects… That’s a WFO by the way. You have to ask yourself, why someone in one of those positions would risk their credibility by reporting something weird, if they hadn’t seen something truly weird in the first place.

Here’s a link if you want to hear the “Wow Signal” … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcSWDzd2cDU&feature=youtu.be

The paradox of course is, if you even mention WFO’s… or even say… “Well, perhaps there is something out there, people have seen weird things over the years”! Most people look at you like you’re an idiot… Yet most people are quite happy to believe in a God. But lets face a fact, lots of credible people have seen something weird in the sky, but nobody has seen God! Ever.

That’s not an anti God statement, it is simply pointing out, some people will believe in something incredible, yet not have an open mind on other subjects which are more credible.

The weather has been milder over the last couple of days, rain and gloom has replaced the shallow sunshine and frost. I am not sure which is best, but at least it’s been a little warmer. This week has been quite busy with work, Tuesday and Wednesday both disappeared into the ether, but both jobs went well… and surprisingly I managed to be early on both occasions. I amaze myself sometimes.

In the other two areas of work, things have been quite slow… nobody seems to have any money. But, we have finally booked a venue dressing job. We have had lots of enquiries, and given quite a few quotes, but this was the first definite booking of the year. There is a thing known as “Sods Law”. I’m not sure who Sod was, but his law does seem to turn up from time to time. The wedding which was booked, is for Friday 27th July, and upon that date, we already have another booking. We also have two venues to dress on Saturday 28th, and one which is set for Sunday 29th.

Five jobs in three days, is great news, in fact, that’s where we should be, that’s where we need to be, if this business is going to be a lucrative alternative in the future. So where does Sod come into the equation? Well, simply because we don’t have enough chair covers to fulfill that amount of usage, over such a short period. There is no way we can clean Friday’s covers for Saturday’s weddings, or even for Sunday’s… So Doreen will have to make some more. Sods Law says… people will not book on days we have vacant… they will book the days which are already busy!

I read something quite interesting on Twitter. Yes read that again if you wish… I read something quite interesting on Twitter! Some guy had been sacked for being off work, and was asking for advice. It turned out he was suffering from depression, and had been off work for 3 months. His employer, who or which, was only a small business, wrote him a letter saying, they couldn’t afford to pay him any longer.

Quite a few people thought this was wrong… because, after all, the guy was unwell… with depression.

But lets look at this from another angle. Lets say you commissioned a builder to do some work at your home. The builder doesn’t turn up for three months, but still wants paying for the work which hasn’t been done… Would you be happy? Or would you find another builder who wasn’t depressed?

It is situations like this, which really puts small businesses off employing people, because although I own my own business, the workers would have more rights than I have. OK, I understand there shouldn’t be exploitation, but at the moment, the law isn’t in balance. Workers rights, or what they expect, far outweigh the employers rights.

If I can’t make a modelling job, I would have to give my fee back… life is shitty sometimes. But seriously, I couldn’t be depressed for 3 months, because I would starve, and quite frankly, no one would give a shit. So, while I feel sorry for the guy, I wonder why he expects to be paid for doing nothing. He seemed to kick into action when he was sacked… perhaps he should have kicked into action before that event happened.

It was quite funny really, because one of his Twitter complaints mentioned, he couldn’t get through to Citizens Advice… Perhaps he didn’t realise… they were all off sick!

So, for now, even though we look like getting busier during the coming year, we will put off employing anyone, because Sods Law says… I would employ someone like him.

Fingers Of Fire

I have never been so pleased to see rain! Wednesday morning, sitting here with a cuppa, tapping away, and it’s raining outside. Rain means it’s warmer, rain means no frost, no ice… Yay for rain!

My friend Jakks, husband Chris… very complicated I know, sorry about that, but Chris, who you may remember was working down south for a while, has now got a job nearer home. Actually it’s an hours drive away, and he’s doing 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week. Jakks is a little bit fed up, because when he comes home he just crashes out. “There’s no conversation, he just comes home, has his tea and falls asleep”! Me, being the eternal optimist, always looking on the bright side, replied… “Yeah, but at least he’s coming home every day”!

Chris, has made an effort to stay awake a little longer to ease the tension, and last night, we had a little phone chat. Actually, it was a Face Time chat… I hate Face Time. If I wanted to see someone face to face, I would go to their house!

Chris is still learning to play guitar, you may remember he bought an acoustic guitar, and I was giving him a few lessons, or beating him senseless with a cushion the last time we tried. Anyway, he’s still learning, and last night he was complaining about sore fingers. This coincided with someone on Twitter saying… “Learning guitar kills your fingers”!

I remember when I first began playing… learning. My fingers were so sore I cried, and it’s the one thing which puts you off. You get to a point where you are doing OK, and you’re all full of enthusiasm, but it’s like putting your fingers in acid. Actually, I’ve never tried that, but I remember thinking… “Surely my fingers can’t get any more sore than they already are”! I was wrong! They can!

So, do they still hurt when you’ve been playing for a while? The very simple answer is…. YEAH!

What I have found, is when I got to the stage where I could play, my touch on the strings became lighter. I think when people are in the learning stage, they tend to put lots of pressure on the strings to hold them down, just to stop the ol’ fret rattles. As you become a little more confident and dexterous, your touch becomes lighter. What hurts my fingers now is, bending the strings, because the better you become, the more extreme your tremolo technique becomes. Sometimes I am bending the bottom E string half way through the width of the fret board.

Matty jokes with me sometimes, especially when I used to get together with my friends to play… “I love your guitar face”. Actually, I’m not pulling a “Guitar face”… it just hurts like shit!

I’m now on another learning curve, learning this damn bass. Being a guitar person, I just can’t help bending the damn strings, I am playing the thing like a lead guitar, so right now… I’m in sore finger hell too! Blah

As you may be able to tell, I began writing this post on Wednesday morning, and due to circumstances, it didn’t get posted. One of those massive time problems… so it’s now Thursday morning which is very confusing! I am going to post it unfinished and carry on with the next one.

Just One More Hour

I think MollyCat has a cat cold. She’s got the sneezes, which is probably something I shouldn’t laugh at, but somehow I cant help it. She has a mad sneezing fit, and then sits there as if to say, “What happened then”?… “Was that me”? During our cat cuddle moments, she has sprayed me with cat snot, on more than one occasion… which may not be her fault, but it’s still pretty yukky non the less.

I hate to sound repetitive, but Monday was freezing cold again, the fourth day of frost and iced up cars. Even with the central heating set on timer, it’s so cold getting up in the morning. I think I’ll set it to come on half an hour earlier in future, because going for a morning pee is pretty damn traumatising.

Monday is gym day, which means filling my bag with “things”. It’s a Monday ritual of stuffing my stuff into a bag. A fluffy towel, Dove shower gel, hair stuff, smelly stuff, clothes, clean undies, shoes, my little fingerless weight lifting gloves…you know… stuff! Then I set off in my tracksuit… ready to roll, complete with pony tail and sunglasses.

I was listening to Rachael on the radio, having a giggle at her accent, because although she’s DJing on a northern radio, she’s from somewhere down south, and when she says certain words, there is a distinct “Pirate Twang” going on… “Oooh Arrhh Jim Lad”!

Gym was OK I guess, I got into it after a while. I thought I should do a good old warm up first, I was told ages ago, warming up is important, so I just do my own thing. Nothing based on science, it’s just based on what I’ve seen others do over the years. I start off touching my toes a few times… that’s pretty easy. Then I keep my legs locked straight, cross them over, and put my palms flat on the floor and walk them out and back towards my feet again. Then I do front splits, trying to get my bum on the floor, one leg straight in front, and one behind, and then swap. I can’t do sideways splits, a bit of a disappointment I guess. Then lots of arm shaking… no idea what that does… and then into the weights. Jeez… life hey!

I managed to forget my hair conditioner… I guess that isn’t such a big deal, but then I realised I had forgotten my hair brush as well… “Aaaarrggghhh silly bitch”! So much for checking the bag! Finger combing isn’t good, so I set off for lunch with a straw head.

I haven’t been to my favourite little cafe since before Christmas. When I arrived, it was pretty empty, I guess January is a slow month for everyone. The cafe guy saw me come in…

“Madam… Happy New Year”!

Now I’m thinking… “Hhhhmmm do we do a hand shake, or do we dive in like someone possessed and go for the hug”? Or should I just offer the boobs,  just in case… This Happy New Year stuff can be quite tricky. So as we got nearer, I was watching to see if he was offering a hand to shake… It became like a gun fight in an imaginary western… who’s going to twitch first? He’s now become Gene Hackman to my Sharon Stone. I opened my arms… we went for the hug. “Happy New Year”! Phew!

“Is Madam well… I thought you had moved, or were ill”!

“Nope ain’t moved and ain’t ill… just worked last Monday, I was elsewhere”!

“Elsewhere? It is nice I there,? I may go in the summer… Did you have a nice Christmas”?

“Yeah, really nice thanks… did you”?

“So so Madam… So So… Madam has new hair I see, very nice”.

“It isn’t new hair, it’s unbrushed old hair, I went to the gym and forgot my brush”.

“Ah… It is, how do you say… unshevelled.?

“Disheveled… thanks for noticing”.

“Home Made New Year Leek soup Madam? I grew them myself”!

“No you didn’t… Yeah I’ll try your Leek soup”!

At least, Monday felt like Monday, back in the old routine at last. Gym and cafe’.

Someone said, this date is the most depressing date of the year. Possibly because, most people get paid early before Christmas, and most people still have a couple of weeks to go, before January pay day. I guess, around now, most people are regretting spending so much, even though there was possibly little choice at the time. I know Matty ran out of money ages ago, because some transfer’s from his savings account have taken place, just to top up and keep him going. This time of year really does suck… in more ways than one. Personally, I don’t feel depressed or gloomy, I just feel cold!

Time is a subject I have hit on many times. It seems, by the time I have done all the things I have to do, there is little time left to do all the things I want to do. Then, when I think I have some “Me time”, something always seems to crop up. Time is a pest!

Matty thinks, because, for a lot of my week, I don’t have to be anywhere in particular, I should have loads of time on my hands. It doesn’t seem to work like that, time just seems to evaporate into thin air, never to be seen again. Yesterday, after the gym visit and lunch, I went off to Becki and Gemma’s shop, to drop off some stock for them. By the time I arrived home, it was almost time to begin cooking tea. Then of course Matty comes home from work and the day has gone.

I guess, like lots of people, with doing a 9-5 Matty doesn’t realise how much time flitting from here to there actually takes, I don’t sit at home twiddling my thumbs, I am usually doing something constructive. When he gets home, he just wants to crash out, which usually means we don’t get anything done. Summer seems different, but these short days of Winter, do seem to be shorter. Mindset maybe?  6pm feels like midnight… while 6pm in June feels like there’s lots of time left in the day.

I think this is why so many people fail at their New Year Resolutions… Time. They have great plans and high hopes, yet the time isn’t there to fulfill all the promises. Time. Is. A. Bitch.

I need to make some time. I don’t know where it’s going to come from. But I need an hour, just an hour each day to sort my music out. Surely that’s not too much to ask for? Just one hour alone. One hour without distraction. One hour without people. I’ve got tons of unfinished, half finished, half started music, which… I just need to sort out. I promised myself I would start something, finish it and move on. But that promise hasn’t worked out… I’ve become a bumble bee… flitting from one piece to another. Never finishing anything.

Monday was a pretty typical day, and I guess, somewhere I wasted an hour. I probably spent an hour texting people, tweeting stuff, replying to texts. Matty texts me constantly throughout the day, friends text me, my Mum texts me, I get into numerous twitter conversations… and it all adds up. Reading, writing… ding… reading, writing… ding.

Monday night, we watched the BBC2 “Star Gazing Live” thing, which to be fair, I know nothing about. I find the whole night sky thing fascinating, but the only thing I can recognise in the sky, is the Moon. But I would love to know a bit more. So we watched on the kitchen TV and stood at the back door looking up… Madness really, because it was absolutely freezing cold outside. I only had PJ trousers on and a t-shirt… I was stood there shivering in the doorway. But the view on the TV is our view of the sky too, because Jodrell Bank, where they broadcasted from, is only 10 miles away.

Oh well… off to create another hour from my “Make An Hour Kit”.

On The Cheap

A couple of my friends have gone on diets, and over the weekend, I have had to endure their new found fervor for counting calories. One diet allows you to have one junk food per day, but they don’t call it junk, instead, they call it a “Sin”. It seems, I have sinned quite a few times, every day. Perhaps they should call them by some other name, because calling them “Sins”, just makes them even more tempting. After all, why be good, when you can sin?

My big sin was Friday’s late lunch at Wetherspoon’s. Their “Gourmet Burger”, is just so nice, especially with added bacon, and extra onion rings. Or was it Friday night’s Italian? It could even have been Saturday night’s Chinese? Maybe even Sunday’s roast, because even gravy is a sin. OK OK… it was all of them! I have sinned, please forgive me!

Saturday morning was a lovely laze in bed. It was one of those bright, sunny, crisp cold days. Much like Friday had been, beautiful to look at, cold to be out in. Matty went off playing golf, and left me and MollyCat to snooze the morning away. Actually, MollyCat got up to see what Daddy was doing, but as soon as the front door was closed, she hopped back into bed. And there we stayed, watching some TV, having a snooze, just chillin’ out… me and the cat.

All good things come to an end, things to do, and people to see. I went off to pick my new bass guitar up. Saturday, unlike Friday, saw the town centre being pretty busy. I took the van, as Matty had our car, but the great thing about vans is… you can park them anywhere. I noticed a couple of vans parked in the road I was going to. The road is just for pedestrians, but a couple of vans had parked outside shops to unload. I thought… “What the heck… if it’s good for them, it’s good for me”! So, I parked right outside Cash Converters, and trotted in, paid my money, threw the guitar into the back of the van, and drove off before I got a ticket… Sheer cheek I guess, but this guitar is almost as big as me.

Anyway, it came with a soft case, which after doing a Google, I found out, a soft case can be £35… so I’ve sort of convinced myself I have a bargain. A Fender P Bass for £215. Brand new, it’s probably over £500 worth… I can convince myself anything is a bargain, with some clever math.

My spare bedroom is now beginning to resemble a small music shop… madness really, or as Kelly said, “More money than sense”! But hey… I’ll only be here once and they’re all bargains… aren’t they? So, I’m almost a one woman band, I just need a drum on my back, and a Kazoo up my ass, and the band is complete! When Matty arrived home, I was in mid-clean… polishing the previous owner away, with Pledge and a cloth. To be honest, I haven’t had much time to play the damn thing yet, and I haven’t got anything to amp it up. And yes, I did think about it at the time, but you just can’t turn down a bargain.

The weekend was really nice. Sunday carried on with the “Sunny but Freezing” theme. We went for a walk, more of a slow stroll really, around the block. Through the village, and onto a country “A” road. On one side, open fields, with horses stood around with their Winter coats on. Small jumps where children ride them through a circuit on Summer days. Today though, the fields were white with frost, and large pools were frozen over, reflecting the sky. The horses looked like silhouettes, stood under silhouette trees. Pretty lovely to look at. On the right, a large country hotel, stood in it’s own gardens, a small stone wall, keeping the garden from running into the road. There is no pavement to walk on, so every now and again we stood still at the side of the road, and made ourselves as slim as possible, as the odd car whizzed by. I don’t know how far the walk was, 4 miles maybe? Possibly a little more. We called into the local pub for lunch on the way back home, and the above mentioned “Gravy Sin”!

We didn’t watch much TV over the weekend, we were out Friday and Saturday night, but on Sunday evening, we settled down to watch Sherlock. This episode was based on the Reichenbach Falls story. Basically, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle disliked writing about Sherlock Holmes, even though the stories were very popular at the time. He saw the stories as being beneath him, so he decided to kill Holmes off, once and for all. He set the climax of what would be the final adventure in Switzerland, and Holmes, along with his arch rival Moriarty, would both fall into the 820 foot waterfall.

Due to public demand, he had to resurrect the detective, and so began the series The Return of Sherlock Holmes. Where Holmes survived the fall, and journeyed back through Europe, eventually arriving back where he began, at 221B with a shocked to see him Dr. Watson. Last night’s version was a modern twist, but for me, it’s one of the best TV shows of the moment… We want more!

That’s me done… off to the gym, and then maybe I’ll find some time to make some “bum bum bumde bum” noises, and annoy the neighbours.

The Big Freeze

As I mentioned in my last post, Friday was freezing cold, literally freezing, and as we tend to cut things pretty fine in the mornings, there was no time for attending to extra stuff. Like frozen cars. No time get dressed either, and I thought, throwing a big coat on, over my pajama trousers and t-shirt would just be seen as… Chavvy! No!… Far better to freeze to death outside in my jimjams and t-shirt, than have the neighbours talk about me in the Post Office.

So, I went out to help Matty scrape ice off his windscreen, suitably dressed in a t-shirt, pajama trousers, my black Ugg Boots and furry ear muffs. The word you are struggling to find, by the way, is… Class!

My only plan for Friday was to pick up my friend Natalie for lunch, and the simple arrangement was, I would pick her up at 1.30, and then go for a late-ish lunch.

I spent the morning writing a blog post, tending to e-mails, and getting ready. I didn’t keep my eye on the time, until my phone dinged, it was a little reminder from Natalie about our lunch date “Wot U up 2 Pants ur l8″!

I ended up rushing around, and you know what happens when you rush… you just can’t find anything. I found my keys, but couldn’t find my purse, so I grabbed £50 from the £200 Gemma had given me on Thursday, and rushed out to my car. Fortunately, Natalie is only a couple of miles down the road… So, in the end, I was only about 40 minutes late.

Anyway, Natalie wasn’t too distressed about my lateness, and after what? Lets say 20 minutes maybe? She had dropped the subject.

We drove to my home town, parked up in a short stay car park, just outside a small shopping mall, and took the short walk to Wetherspoon’s, where lunch would be served, as my treat. Wetherspoon’s however is almost next door to one of those Cash Converter shops, and as we walked past, I couldn’t help noticing, hanging on a wall, at a the back, what looked like a Fender Bass Guitar. So as Natalie carried on walking, and possibly still talking, I ducked into the shop to have a closer look.

Anyway, it was a Fender, and as I went back outside, Natalie was walking in…

“You could have said something… I was talking to myself out there, everyone was looking at me”!

“Everyone looks at you anyway Nat… I just came in to have a look at that on the wall”! Pointing at the bass, hanging there, going “Buy me, Buy me”!

“Why is it, every time we go out, we end up in a music shop?… I’m starving! C’mon lets go”!

One of the sales men came over, just at this point in our conversation, and I asked him some questions about the bass, to which he tried to answer as best he could. After all, it’s not really a music shop, staffed by musicians. Natalie by now, had turned her attention to some TV’s, wandering back and forth, up and down a line of them. The outcome was, I asked if they would keep it for me, which the man agreed to do, but only if I put a deposit down…

I blurted out… “I’ve only got fifty quid on me”. To which he answered, “That will do, we’ll hold it for seven days”… But then of course, that means I would have no money at all.

“Nat… Is it OK if I put £50 down on this guitar, so they’ll hold it for me”?

“Why are you asking me? I don’t care, just do it and lets get fed”!

“Ah, well, that’s the point… You’ll have to pay for lunch, I’ve only got fifty quid on me”!

“You’re amazing, do you know that?… You invite me for lunch, turn up hours late, we end up in Pokey Joe’s second hand shop, and now… I’ve got to buy you lunch”!

“Well yeah, pretty much, I guess… when you put it like that… So what do you say”?

“Yes… just lets go… it’s nearly tomorrow”!

We went next door, and by now, I felt a bit bad, especially looking through the menu. I was going to pay, and now suddenly, I am the guest. A fact which Natalie pointed out, once or twice. But we had a laugh, and the lunch was nice… it tastes even better when it’s free!

After a while, we walked back to my car…

“Nat”.

“What”?

“Can you pay to get us out of the car park please”?

Natalie ran through the events of the afternoon, once again, just in case I missed something… Funny really, because every time she mentioned my lateness, the time involved just grew and grew. 40 minutes became an hour late, then hours late, and then hours and hours late. In fact, if I had been as late as Natalie pointed out, we wouldn’t have been sat in the car park… as I wouldn’t have even arrived yet! But, on the way home, we did have a laugh about it all… Next time… My treat!

So, after that little trip, I owe my own business £50, and I owe Natalie a lunch… Oh! and I still owe Cash Converters £200… A pretty expensive lunch then, when all is taken into consideration!

Matty came home from work around 6pm, and after going on about work, and travel, and work, he got around to asking me…

“So, how was your day, did you see Natalie at lunch time… How is she”?

“Eeeerrrrmmm Yeah I did… Sit down, I’ll tell you all about it”!

 

 

Special

This week feels like it has flown by. Possibly because my Tuesday felt like Monday, an then, the next thing I know, it’s Thursday… what happened to Wednesday? I’m sure there must have been one, there usually is.

I worked again on Thursday, three jobs in one week in January… I feel sort of special, but joking apart, I’m quite pleased to be back in the schwing. Doing nothing is just totally boring!

I got involved in an interesting conversation, and to have an interesting conversation at a photo studio is a pretty rare event. It might even be previously unheard of. I arrived early. That’s two earlies, and one late this week, but as the one lateness wasn’t really my fault, I think I’ve been very good this first week back at work. Anyway, I was early, and the Tog was still finishing a job in the studio. The punter was a woman, who is writing a book. The book is about how women use their sexuality to gain promotion in employment, how women use their sexuality in general, to manipulate day to day situations, and how men respond to this manipulation. Are women complicit in how men perceive us as sexual objects? As part of her research, she had taken many jobs in different countries, and was now back here, working as a lap dancer.

The reason for this photo shoot? She had seen the advert which, like many, had stated “Have the model experience! Be pampered, and leave feeling empowered”! Basically, she wanted to find out if being naked in front of a stranger, posing for the camera, gave her a feeling of empowerment.

Our authoress was a 35 year old, reasonably attractive woman, at least, after being pampered by the make-up artist, she was. She was saying, she didn’t find the shoot empowering, but she did find it exciting. We then got into a conversation about who exploits who, and do women use their sexuality to gain favour?

Her opinion was, to an extent, all women use their sexuality to gain something, whether that be promotion at work, or something more trivial. But, to use the word “All”… is an all encompassing statement. That would mean, in her opinion, Ann Widdecombe rose to high office due to using her sexuality. I don’t know what you think, but personally, I find that highly unlikely. You can’t use the word “All”. That’s like asking 100 men if they like football, and if they all answered “Yes”, coming to the conclusion… all men like football.

She asked me, if I use my sexuality to manipulate situations… “The very thought! How very very dare you”! The honest answer must be, “Yes, of course I do… sometimes”! To be completely honest, sometimes, being a woman is a great advantage, especially if you can read people quickly, and by that, I obviously mean men. You can do “Little girl lost” and get away with murder… well, not quite murder, I haven’t tried that yet. But you can get away with things, simply by playing cutesy cute! But there is also a disadvantage too, in that once you’ve played the cute card, you can’t play the intelligent card afterwards. Not unless you are extremely good… which obviously I am not!

But could Ann Widdecombe play the cute card? And if she did, would it work? Would it get her something which she wanted, but couldn’t gain by any other means? I’ll leave you to answer that one. So, a lot of this analysis really depends on who is doing what to who. To be able to play the cutesy card, you have to be perceived as being cute in the first place… and the other participant has to want to be played, otherwise it just doesn’t work.

I have noticed, when I go to the bank… my bank is on two floors, by the way. Downstairs is the public part, with the “Personal Bankers” near the front door, and the counters at the rear. Upstairs is the “Business Banking” area. Upstairs, the Business Managers have their offices, and it seems to my eyes, all the women who assist them, are what Matty would class as “Top Totty”! Downstairs, it’s a little different, a little more, shall we say, “Plain Jane”.  It’s as though, to gain access to the stairs, you need to be a 10 on a 10 scale. Now that doesn’t mean that upstairs, the women aren’t better qualified, they probably are, and no doubt, they all have IQ’s bigger than Mars… it simply means… I notice shit!

Downstairs, there is Miss Podgy, in her very sensible flat work shoes, busily stamping your cheque, and asking “Can I do anything else for you today”?… Upstairs it’s a fucking Barbie fest, so who is playing who… and who cares? It’s just life… End Of Book!

Talking of studio’s, my friend Nigel hasn’t taken over the old chemist shop yet. It’s getting on for 6 months now, which to my mind, seems a little long, just to sign a lease for a rented shop. He’s lost the enthusiasm now, the wait has taken the wind out of his sails. I walked past it on Thursday, as I went to Becki and Gemma’s wedding shop, which is just a few doors up the same road. They owed us some money for underwear sales from their shop over Christmas, so I went to collect it, and also, to see if they need new stock.

Being completely disorganised, and after promising to have the money ready, when I turned up, they had forgotten. So Gemma ran over the road to the “hole in the wall”. That would only give her £200, so they still owe us some more… that was awesome news, after making a special trip. I think they were pretty quiet over the Christmas period, weddings aren’t on everyone’s mind at this time of year… So, I think they’re a bit broke at the moment. Still, at least I came away with something, I guess that is a bonus of some sort.

It’s Friday, and it’s beautiful, bright and sunny, but also freezing cold too. The cars were frozen this morning, and I had to help Matty scrape his windscreen off… in my jimjams. No, I don’t have a windscreen in my jarmers… I’m sure you get the idea. That was so cold, I can’t begin to tell you how cold it was outside this morning… Woooohoooo it sure woke me up though!

Have a great weekend, whatever you’re up to… and thanks for reading xox