The Last Day Of 2011
It’s been a pretty quiet couple of days, and I thought I would just chill out for a while. I even had a Twitter free day too. We went skiing at Chill Factor which is a fake indoor ski slope next to the Trafford Centre. And guess what! I can ski on my arse! It’s a whole new sport… Strap those ski’s to your bum and down you go! Actually, it caught on quite quickly, soon, loads were joining in!
We also went to the cinema to see the new Sherlock Holmes film, and if you’ve not been yet, I won’t spoil it for you. If you enjoyed the first one, this sequel is better, and that’s all I will say.
Also, my Nan has gone back into hospital. She didn’t feel too good over Christmas, and she eventually went to the doctors, he referred her to hospital for tests last night. She went in around 8pm, and apparently got a bed around 3am. So, here we go a visiting again!
It’s the final day of 2011, and I know it sounds lame, but I don’t know where this year has gone, it feels like it has just flown by. Then you look back over all the things you’ve done in the last 12 months, and you still wonder where all the days went! I’m not going to do a re-cap of the year, I guess you are all pleased about that news, but it has been an eventful year. Not only personally, but for the world too.
In my home town, there have been roadworks on the main route to the motorways. The A49 stretch, which runs from the town centre, going out towards the M62 and the M6 further on, has been a nightmare. It’s become a joke, with people saying, “They will have rebuilt Japan before this road is finished”! Actually, they weren’t far wrong, it took a year to replace a crappy roundabout with a set of traffic lights. Finally, the road is finished and is now back open, just as Japan announced the safety of their reactor thingy… not bad going then!
Bin-Badman was killed by Bin-Goodman and they decided not to take photos… just in case it upset someone? Then threw him over the side of a ship… also aimed at not upsetting anyone. And then Gadaffy Duck got shot later in the year. It’s been a year of revolt. Here in England, we had a little revolt too… although, we’re not sure what it was about. Trainers someone said? We went on the rampage for a few nights… until all the trainers had gone… and TV sets. And just to show how advanced we are as a nation, some idiots posted pictures of all the stuff they had stolen on social media sites! I missed all the excitement, because I was in the less advanced Spain at the time.
The whole world has been trying to fend off financial meltdown. Greece were helped by being given a loan, which isn’t a good idea, because they couldn’t pay the one they had. Italy went tits up too, and everyone worried about Portugal, Spain and Ireland going the same way. Then of course we decided to pull out of the Euro… Oh hang on a moment! We were never in the Euro where we? Anyway, that got us out of paying any more to bail out holiday resorts. So, now the whole of Europe hates us… Or, in other words… not much has changed!
Prince William married Kate Middleton, and all the world tuned in to watch the shenanigans on TV, only to find out, her sister Pippa has a much better arse! I mean, you’d just die wouldn’t you! You marry the next King, or possibly the next King if his Dad doesn’t want the job, and all the world can talk about is… your SISTERS BUM! Her arse became so famous it even opened it’s own Twitter account. So, if you ever doubted the Royals do talk through their arses… think again!
The other big news was phone hacking. The Murdoch’s came over to answer questions, but that was a waste of time, because they didn’t know anything about how their business runs. They just give money away to anyone, and don’t bother to ask why. “Duh, if it’s under a million, we don’t need to know”! They did such a good job, some stupid TV journo’s actually believed them… “Well it is a big company, and they do have other things to think about”! Yeah… of course they do! I mean, what company owner wants to worry about what happens to their money?
They closed The News Of The World as a gesture I guess, I can imagine the look on Jordan’s face when that happened! What will she do now? Hopefully, they will close the Sun down too. But it’s not over yet. Surprisingly, the Murdochs’s are not alone, other newspapers have come under the magnifying glass. Awkward questions have been asked, and, “I know nothing about anything”! has been the general answer.
I decided to grow some fruit and veg, in pots on my patio. I planted tomatoes, and they grew to the size of grapes. I planted carrots, which grew to the size of my little finger, and I planted strawberry’s in hanging baskets. We had a few nice ones off that plant, and Matty said they tasted a lot better than shop ones. What he didn’t know was… I had all the home grown ones, and he had shop bought ones… The power of suggestion hey! He still doesn’t know to this day… it will be our secret!
I planted some peas, and they were OK, I also planted a blackcurrant bush, which MollyCat uses as a toilet. My bad, for planting it in poo corner I guess. Funnily enough, we didn’t bother with the blackcurrants. But basically, we grew miniature vegetables, which was a little disappointing at the time, but hopefully, next years haul will be better!
As mentioned erlier, we went on holiday to Salou, and we had a great time. I came back with loads of pictures of buildings, scenes and suchlike. Matty came home with 76 pictures of my arse, which thanks to technology, now sit on a cloud in cyberspace. Matty denies this of course, arguing that some of them are of my tits… But whatever, it was our first proper holiday together, and it was so much fun, we plan to do it again next year.
This is my 742nd post on this blog, which isn’t bad, especially considering, when I first started writing, most of my friends said it would last about a week. To be honest, I still enjoy writing, I always have, but it’s become more than “My Little Diary” now. It’s more of a two way thing. I am amazed every day, by how many people visit my blog, amazed at the daily stats, and amazed at how many visits it had over the Christmas period. Even on Christmas Day it hit 150 odd… and that was a huge dip… like a valley!
So, from me to you… I would like to thank everyone who visits. The few who have been here from Day 1, and the ones who are new. The ones who leave replies, or send me e-mails and Tweets… and the ones who just read.
I would like to wish you all… A Very Happy New Year xox
Dressed To Thrill
OK I give up. I am all turkeyed out!
Boxing Day evening, I made another smaller Christmas dinner type meal, it was really very nice, even though I say so myself. Yesterday, I made a turkey stir fry. I just chucked loads of veg into a frying pan, tomatoes and peppers, anything and everything went in. Again it was quite nice, but now, after three days, I am totally bored of turkey!
Tuesday we had the wedding venue to dress, which meant an early start to the day. We picked everything up from Doreen’s shop, and arrived at the venue around 10.30am. It took the three of us, Doreen, Kelly and I, two hours to set it up, then the bride arrived for some reason. They don’t get married until tomorrow, but I think she’s one of these insane control freaks… anyway, we chatted to her for a while, by which time I was starving. Doreen went home, but Kelly and I found a pub where we could grab some lunch. Matty had arranged to meet some of his friends for a lunchtime beer, so there was no rush to get home.
We had a little chat about our Christmases, and who’s the chubbiest after a few days of going OTT. I guess ordering lunch while trying to decide who’s put on the most weight, must have a certain irony? Tuesday though, turned out to be a really nice day, it was quite mild, warm even, and the sky was a lovely wintry blue. The hotel, or more accurately, the hall we had dressed, had it’s heating on, and the pub we found did too. It was just too warm for heating.
The vast majority of pub patrons were families, and a smattering of couples here and there too, and me and Kelly on a table of our own. I think we either looked like two sad maids, or a couple of lesbians. I’m not sure which of those is the worse to be mistaken for, but for some reason we managed to turn a few heads in the small pub. All you can do, is to get lost in your own conversation, and pretend you haven’t noticed… which possibly only adds to the lesbian theory?
A couple of people asked why we were working over Christmas, I imagine in that whining mocking voice we all put on when we are taking the pee… “Why you working over Christmas”?
Well, when we took this job on, a few months ago, we knew it would be a bit of a pain in the bum. But, when you work for yourself, you look at things in a different way. We had the choice to say yes or no… and we decided it was worth doing. We don’t look at this, as just working for one couple who are getting married, we look at it as our work being on show to all the guests as well. And maybe, one of the guests may be getting married soon, or maybe the bride and groom might recommend us to their friends. At worst, 110 people have seen what we can do… so although it’s been a pain, it’s also very well worth doing.
We drove home down the M6. We were heading North, but the Southbound carriageway was at a standstill. I think we covered about 25 miles, and nothing on the other side of the motorway had moved. It was just a nose to tail car park.
The rest of the day was pretty quiet, so I thought I would leave you with some before and after pics taken at the hotel.
Boxing Day
Boxing Day is usually a bit of an anti-climax, after all the build up to Christmas, and the over indulgence of Christmas Day itself, Boxing Day is a bit of a non event. Sure, the football calendar is pretty full, but that’s about it. My Bro, and the Wicked Witch, were due to visit her side of the family, after spending Christmas day with my folks, but apparently, my niece Sam has come down with Chicken Pox, so the visit was called off… Awesome news I thought, I could do with a dose of Shingles… thanks Bro! Then, after the text message, Matty tells me he had Chicken Pox twice… there’s always one who has to be different isn’t there?
Boxing Day was a chance to have a lie in. We’ve not had chance to play with our presents yet, but Matty’s been playing around with his iPad… My Mac Book however, is still in it’s box. The living room looks like a grotto still. But we had a nice lie in, discussing world events, like you do… and this is me, in mid discussion. One of the few pictures which actually has my head in it… and if you saw the pics I posted on Twitter from our holidays, you’ll know what I mean. It seems my head isn’t very photogenic… unlike my arse, which features in most of them.
But, Boxing Day was also a work day. There is no rest for the wicked, or so they say, and I must have been pretty damn wicked!
The huge drawback with fresh flowers is, they’re dying. As soon as they are cut, death is looming over them, wielding that big reaper thingy which the Reaper carries over his shoulder. The huge problem with getting married in between Christmas and New Year is, the flower wholesaler closes.
You may remember I picked up flowers last Friday morning, and they were probably cut on Thursday, and driven over from Holland on Thursday evening in a refrigerated truck. By the time we will set the wedding room up on Tuesday morning, they will be at best, 6 days old. So, it’s been a worry, because at the wholesalers, they are kept in refrigerated rooms. At Doreen’s shop, they’re just stored at room temperature. I think we all had visions of delivering dead crumbly flowers to an ashen faced bride. Kelly and I met Doreen at her shop on Boxing Day, as she needed to make all the bouquets… Not that we can help much, but we can cut stems to length, remove thorns from roses and make cups of tea, and occasionally go… “Ooooooh yeah… they look nice”!
Thankfully, the flowers all looked fine, which was a huge relief.
Boxing Day was the beginning of the sales, I think, at one time, these used to be the January Sales, now they’re the Post Christmas Sales, which are slightly different from the Pre Christmas Sales? Some shops were advertising opening at 6am… it must be fantastic working in a big name shop these day’s… you can’t even get drunk on Christmas Day. Alarms set for what? 5am?
We met up around midday, and technically the shop wasn’t open, we didn’t flip the sign on the door to “Open”, but seeing how Kelly managed to be late… something to do with “Uuuuggghh I wanna die”, and “I’m never ever drinking ever again.. never, ever, no way”, we forgot to lock the door. So, the shopper people, noticing the lights were on, decided to drop in and mooch around. So Kelly and I became serving staff for about 2 hours too, which to be honest, didn’t do Kelly much good… “That till’s too loud… make it stop”!
La Senza have called the administrators in, during the week before Christmas. That doesn’t mean it will close, but it does mean it may be sold. Obviously, if no buyer is found, then La Senza will disappear from our shopping malls and high streets. This was once owned by Dragon, Theo Paphitis, he still has an interest, but he sold the majority of his shares a while ago. Theo went off to set up his own lingerie company from scratch, I guess in direct competition to La Senza, and it’s called Boux Avenue… it’s pretty crap to be honest, but cost an absolute fortune to set up… it’s a good job he has one.
La Senza though, was a bit of a weird concept, because, if you’ve ever been inside one of their shops, you’ll know there isn’t really much in the way of design which makes you go “Wow”… apart from the price! But then of course, your overly expensive set of boring undies is gift wrapped. Those boxes must cost a fortune too, and then there’s the mountain of tissue paper to fight with.
My interest in La Senza’s problems stem from me selling underwear myself, with my business partner Kelly… although, to be honest, I’m not a big fan of lingerie. I know that sounds a bit lame, but it’s true. I do have some nice sets, but they’re all pretty useless. I mean, Yeah they look OK, but you just spend 20 minutes being dragged around like a rag doll, before being asked breathlessly… “Can you just undo those fuckin’ fasteners please”!
Or the really funny one, were after ten minutes of fumbling, you break the news… “It unfastens at the front”!
Anyway, I digress, I think La Senza’s problems are, their stuff just isn’t “special” enough to warrant the price tag, and it’s not “risque” enough, to make you think you’d be on a definite promise if you bought something. Their stock is a little too safe, and a little bit boring. They do nice Pajamas trousers though, I quite like all of mine.
We were going to go to the cinema on Boxing Day evening, but for numerous reasons, we never got around to going. I still can’t decide between Sherlock Holmes, Mission Impossible or Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and Matty isn’t much help either… “Whichever one you want to see is fine by me”! In the end, we saw none of them!
We got into a Face Time conversation with Kelly and Nick, that thing is really intrusive don’t you think? Anyway, Matty asked Nick which film he thought was best to see first…
“I dunno mate… fancy asking me… I just do stuff Kelly says”!
Matty laughed, and then Nick said… “What you laughin’ at mate… you just do stuff Saz tells you to do”!
That makes us sound like two Bossy Boots… but we all laughed, because it’s possibly very true.
Crimbo Day
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas Day. Mine started at 8am, I put my alarm on, so I could put the turkey in the oven, and armed with two cups of coffee, I ran back up to bed to open the presents which Santa had brought. First of all I had to wake Santa, as he had slept through the turkey alarm. Swapping presents in bed is really good fun, because you get to thank Santa after opening each one… and Santa looked quite happy and authentically red faced.
Downstairs, some presents from friends, all those bottles of wine, and a couple which were a little less obvious. One turned out to be a box of Matchmakers, one was a Chocolate Orange, and one, a set of handcuffs. Of all the presents from my friends, strangely, the handcuffs caused the biggest stir, and they are proper handcuffs, not flimsy plastic toy ones… proper steel ones with stiff bars. Best not lose the key, otherwise someone is going to be looking very embarrassed down at A&E. Or, do you phone the Fire Brigade? Who knows?
The turkey was done by just after 10.30am, so next item to go into the oven was some beef, and then we started the “Big Peel”. Spuds and veg, peel, slice and dice. Anyway, after a quick count, we both still had all our fingers, which was a bonus. I guess like most people, part of the morning, in between poking potato’s, was taken up by sending texts to friends, and replying to texts with Christmas messages… Thank Gravity for copy and paste!
Now, during the cooking and texting process, I had opened a bottle of wine, so by around midday I had a huge fit of the giggles, that’s not a good sign really… that means I’m possibly pissed at noon!
1pm… the Crimbo Dinner was ready, and by some miracle it was really nice, Mollycat loved her piece of turkey, although, for some reason she thought she had to stalk it and kill it first. We had our’s on the dining room table, me at one end, and Matty at the other, like some royal banquet, but without the servants. Actually, my dining room table was only made to seat four, so the distance might not be what you imagined by my description.
After dinner, the trips. The first trip was to Matty’s folks in Chester, a run down the M56 to exchange presents. His brother was there, and his wife and daughter, so we stayed a couple of hours, before heading over to my folks for an evening buffet. My brother Jamie had gone to my Mum and Dad’s earlier for their Christmas Dinner, along with his daughter Sam, and his girlfriend, The Wicked Witch.
Now, just for show, me and the Wicked Witch had to do the kiss and hug thing in the kitchen, you know… the “Muwaaah” thing. Which in our case, is done at arms length, it would be further if we had longer arms, and because by now, I have had a few drinks, I just thought it was funny. Anyway, we got through it… somehow.
My little niece Sam, has progressed from calling me “AnnieRahRah”, which was her way of saying “Aunty Sarah” to being able to say it properly, also Matty is no longer “Ratty”… That actually used to make me laugh, and her ability to say “Matty” is a great loss to the comedy value… Still, we still have the memories! Little Sam was pleased to see us, and it’s pretty sad really, the little feud between myself and Witchypoo, her mother, probably means I see less of her than I would like. In fact, I don’t see or have much contact with my bro either, as obviously he takes her side. It isn’t something I dwell upon, or think about as some great loss, it’s just a fact. The wedge between the pair of us has affected family relationships, and that time has been lost for ever.
Mingled with the numerous bottles of wine, the various lotions, potions, and bottles of smellies, the beads, trinkets and dangly earrings. Oh… and the handcuffs. I seem to have acquired two books. One is how to make perfect cupcakes, and the other is Lorraine Pascal’s cookery book. I think someone is trying to turn me into a chef?
My main present turned out to be a MacBook Pro… that’s really very nice, although possibly some thoughts of, “I can use that too”, on Matty’s behalf, but then again, I plan to steal his iPad, so we are as bad as each other.
In all, a very nice Christmas Day… So, how many shopping days to the next one? No, please don’t tell me, I’ve not recovered from this one yet!
The Day Before
I was recommended an App for my iPhone called Evernote, it’s like a note book, a reminder type of thing. The logo is an elephant, and those critters never forget anything! I guess some genius, with an IQ the size of a family car designed it, and when you write yourself notes, they sit on a Cloud. We’ve had lots of clouds recently, so I don’t know which one stores my data. But it’s really clever, one day we won’t store our shit on hard drives, it will just sit on a cloud somewhere, floating in the ether. Friday night, a reminder popped up, “Take the Turkey out of the freezer”! I wondered, at any point, when this genius devised this App, did he, or she, ever imagine it would be used for defrosting a turkey?
I have been watching some of the cookery programs on TV. These celeb TV chefs don’t seem to rate turkey, they all pull the same face when turkey is mentioned, like they’ve just trod in dog poo. I have also found out, there are only 3 people on Earth who like sprouts. I am one of them, I even have sprouts on non Christmas days. I like turkey, and I don’t care if it isn’t cool, Christmas dinner will be pretty traditional. Turkey, roast and mashed potato, sprouts, carrots, peas, sage and onion stuffing, and gravy. Then Christmas pudding… a chocolate one.
Someone said you should cook a turkey upside down, so all the moisture drains into the crown, so I’m going to do it that way… like cook it in a missionary position.
Between Christmas and New Year, we have a wedding venue to dress. The wedding is on the 28th, but the bride wants us to set the room up on the 27th. We ordered flowers for her, but because of Christmas, I had to pick them up on Friday morning, and then drive them over to Doreen’s shop. Doreen is going to make the arrangements on Boxing Day… so, no rest for the wicked! Our bride also wanted diamante topped pin sticks, for the centre of her red roses, and we didn’t have enough… So, Kelly and I drove over to Hobbycraft, on Friday, the busiest shopping day of the year, to buy some.
The traffic was insane, the retail park was insane, but somehow, in the wind and pouring rain, I suddenly felt Christmas. Perhaps it was the crowds, the traffic, the madness. But now I feel Christmassy all of a sudden, there is a kind of “Peace and Love maaaan, kind of feeling is going on.
So, right now it’s Christmas Eve, and it has rained for most of the day, but thankfully there has been no reason to go outside. The TV has been crap, old films and rundowns of the year, a bit early as there is still a week to go. But, it’s been fun, even moaning about what’s on has been a laugh.
I’m going to settle down, watch Demolition Man get some retribution for a spaight of Murder Death Kills, and wait for Santa to arrive. I’ve made a little buffet, and I’m slowly getting drunk on Jack Daniels and Coke… Cheers! It’s Christmas Yay!
Almost There!
Phew! Finally, all my pre-Christmas “do’s” have come to an end. A trip to Wetherspoon’s on Wednesday evening, for a “Gourmet Burger”, which when delivered didn’t look too big, but wooooo by halfway though, I felt full. By all the way through… I felt even fuller! Now, all that is left, is an overly massive Christmas dinner, and then, maybe, we will get back to some sort of normality.
I’ve been wrapping presents, which I am not very good at. Some look OK, the regular box shaped ones look fine, but anything odd shaped, or round shaped, well, they look a bit of a disaster. But, they say, it’s the thought which counts… and I thought… That’s as good as it gets! I bought my Dad a bar of Toblerone… and I think he’s going to guess what it is, without too much trouble.
I have been driving around, dropping presents off to work buddies, bottles of wine in glittery bags. And guess what I got in return? Yup! You’re only right! Bottles of wine in glittery bags… awesome! It’s pretty ridiculous when you think about it, driving ten miles to exchange bottles, but that’s what Christmas is all about. I have 14 bottles of wine at the moment… 10 White, 3 Red and 1 Rose’. I also have 2 bottles of Champagne too, they’re from the big spenders in my life! Oh! and some strangely shaped chocolates in a box… I really hope they’re not rude, just in case my Nan comes over and sees them.
So that’s it… I am ready for Christmas at long last!
This time of year, is usually one of reflection, also as the new year becomes ever closer, it’s also a time for looking forward. I’ve never been one for making resolutions, those promises which seem so wonderful when made, until the time comes to actually carry them out. Next year will be a little different for me, one plan will take me in a direction I never envisioned, but I’ll cover that subject when I get there.
Looking back over this year, has made me realise how quickly time has passed. From the excitement of spending a working week in Paris back in January, to being here in December, just seems such a short space of time.
In the past I have been sad enough to post on my blog over Christmas, and in return, some people have been sad enough to read… So, I will do my best to keep up the tradition, although they may be shorter than usual, but as many people say my posts are too damn long, that might be a bonus.
If you’re not able to get here, due to finding other far more interesting things to do… I will Wish you a Happy Christmas, and hope you have a Great New Year! xox
16 Mad Women And Me
I have been lazy… A statement of apology will be released from the management very soon, regarding missed updates. Complaints about ruined Tuesday’s… and complaints about having nothing to read on the train. OK, I sort of got carried away with “being off on holiday”, if I am actually “off on holiday”. Actually no… I am not off, and this doesn’t feel like a holiday, it just feels like I’ve got nothing to do. I’m at a loose end, I’m at a loss…. Driving myself nuts!
I’ll do a quick catch-up… Monday, late morning… Gym! Those damn scales! I wish I hadn’t got on them!
Anyway, I convinced myself they must be malfunctioning, and just got on with my little workout. The guy who usually stands behind the reception came into the gym area…
“Did you stick this note on the scales”?
“Me… No way, wasn’t me, what makes you think it was me”?
“Oh… just that you’re the only one here… I could play the camera back if you like”?
“That’s intrusion of privacy”!
“The scales are not Out Of Order, OK”!
The morning had been quite nice, in a grey, gloomy, depressing, wintry, sort of way… After gym, I set off for lunch, to my fave lil cafe’. I had bought the owner a little Christmas card, with a nice snow scene, and a lil robin holding some mistletoe in it’s lil beak… Aaawww so cute! Not accurate mind, there’s no grey gloom on this card, just a wintry wonderland of snowy loveliness!
Tuesday was the day, set aside, for a little get together with some girl friends. One of them had booked a table in a bar, but over the ensuing weeks the numbers had changed, some dropping out, others changing their minds and joining us after all. A bit of a nightmare to organise I guess. Eventually, there was 17 of us, not so much a Christmas lunch, more of an invasion!
Now, I am not big friends with all these women, it’s just, we know each other through work and such like. The only real true friend who went was Kelly, but 17 women, seated at 2 long tables, formed by shoving smaller tables together, just resulted in bedlam. None of them are what you would call shy, retiring types. It wasn’t exactly a meeting of the National Association of Wallflowers, by any stretch of the imagination. To my right… Kelly, she’s barking mad at the best of times, to my left Gemma. Now, for some reason, the name Gemma, gives me heaps of problems… I can never remember the name, so she just became known as “Eeeerrmmm”. This isn’t the Gemma I mention occasionally, who owns the wedding dress shop, this Gemma is a friend of Kelly’s. Gemma mainly works race grids, like motorbikes and car racing, she also works boxing rings, carrying the round numbers for those who can’t keep count. You know the ones I mean, skimpy shorts, big tits, and a banner proclaiming “Round 3″… That’s her!
When Gemma walked in… she looked like Stig off Top Gear, the black Stig, remember that one? Black leather and a black helmet… I thought, “No one said this was fancy dress”! One of the other girls joked… “Was the bus late Gems”?
Gemma is a bike nut… she’s got this huge black motor cycle… a Suzuki something or other, a massive 1000 cc one. A few of us went outside to see it, as it’s pretty new, and she was keen to show us all her new toy… She has recently gone from a smaller bike, to this new monster. So, Kelly wanted to sit on it… and, there’s no other way to say this, but, Kelly is pretty tiny. So, after attempt number 3 of trying to get her leg over, (I know, a bad choice of phrase) and after showing most of the people in the side street her underwear, we helped lift her onto the seat. Getting off the bike, wasn’t any more lady like than getting on.
I had a quick go too… I thought, “What the hell… I’ve got clean knickers on… who cares”! Anyway, 2 attempts to get on the damn thing is one better than 3… or 4. The bike is really wide… it’s stocky… wide! I guess pretty much like sitting on a bull… although, I haven’t sat on a bull to be honest, but I imagine this is what it would be like. You don’t notice how wide it is until you climb onto it. Then Gemma started it up… Ooooooooooooh it sounded like the world had just cracked, and maybe shifted on it’s axis… I see the attraction now, even without going anywhere!
After this lunch being the least looked forward to, I quite enjoyed it, even without drinking anything alcoholic, it was good fun.
So. Evening seems to come around very quickly, and our cupboards are bare once again… MollyCat had no food, no kitty litter and no treats. She was threatening to report me to the RSPCA, unless things were put right, pretty quickly. We set off for Asda, and of course this is before tea… or if you prefer, before dinner? In Asda’s car park, someone has decided it would be a great idea, to build a pub… actually, it’s been there for a while now, but we’ve never been inside. A few friends have, and they say it’s pretty crap… but the smell of food was escaping through the door. The next thing, my scarf tightens around my neck and all of a sudden, we are in the pub… Man needs feeding!
Now, this shopping trip was supposed to be simple… a few veggies for Crimbo dinner, a few meals for the days before Crimbo, and some stuff for MollyCat. Like all things simple, it became long and drawn out affair, snacks got thrown into the trollie, some fruit, a few cakes, more crisps, mince pies… and beer. In all, a short trip to the shop took about 3 hours. 3 hours and £104. I think my face must have been a picture at the check out…”How much? One hundred and four pounds”!
One Hundred. And. Four. Pounds.
Shorts? What Shorts?
Well here we are, the start of another week. I know some people have finished now for their Christmas break, much like I have. This morning the road seems pretty quiet, the kids have finished school, so there is no mad dash as parents drop them off.
Friday, the snow came. The morning was bright and sunny, yet on the news, and the good people of Twitterworld were reporting snowfall. Here it looked quite pleasant. Then it went dull, and by the afternoon, the snow came. Slowly at first, half rain half snow, but then the flakes became larger, and soon it was a complete white out. Thick snow settled in the side streets, the sky just looked like a snow machine, huge feather like snowflakes just drifting down, lazily heading towards the ground.
Snow looks quite nice in photos, an unmarked blanket of white in a Winter landscape, or some cutesy Christmas card with a carrot nosed snowman… In reality, it’s a pain in the arse. It’s just a slushy mushy pile of white crap, which slows the whole road system down. Crawling along nose to tail trying to get home. A journey which on a normal day would take 15 minutes, took nearly an hour.
Friday was also Matty’s works dinner dance, so early morning, I drove him to catch a train. Leaving his car at home, so it wouldn’t be stranded over night, and also we could both have a drink or two. Evening came, and my friend Natalie braved the snow to drive me to the station.
“Where we going”?
“To the train station”!
“OK… so where’s that”?
I forgot about Nat’s awesome sense of direction. When the arrangements were made, I didn’t imagine this weather either. I sort of planned to wear this really lovely cream lace dress, with see through panels, and fake see through panels, teamed with cream shoes. But it was freezing, so the thin cream lace dress was ditched, and a slightly thicker un-see-through dark blue one took it’s place… and dark blue shoes. So, on the train, under my big coat, a little evening dress, and thoughts of “Please don’t fall over” as I walked from the station to the bar on ridiculous heels.
The meal was really nice, we sat on a table of eight, with Matty’s boss and his wife, and some other bossy sort of people… All the men looked like they were doing a mass audition for the next James Bond epic. A sea of dinner suits and dickie bows, and you always get one or two, who think… “I’ll hire a white jacket”! or, “I’ll make a statement with a red dickie bow”!
After the meal, plenty of dancing, and then the hotel set aside a residents bar for us, the last drunken few. We had to wait for a taxi, on this, the busiest night of the year. It was almost 4am when we got home.
Saturday morning was slightly Uuuuggghhh. A bad head, bad hair, morning. One of those mornings when even your nails hurt. Still, the previous night was a good laugh I guess. To blow the cobwebs away, we went for a walk. The snow had gone, and the world was back to it’s normal cold wet self.
The weekend was pretty lazy, the only real highlight of Saturday was the final of Strictly… And Yeah I know, I’m really sad, but I love the dancing, and this year, the three finalists were pretty good. Down to the last two after a break, and it was all between Harry and Chelsee. While Chelsee is good, Harry is just awesome. I’m no expert on what hands and feet are supposed to be doing in these dances, but he just looks “Right”. So, I voted Harry…
My post, about men and women being friends, sparked a few comments. To be honest, I was always under the impression that there was no reason why men and women can’t be friends. I guess, in my own friendships, certain friendships do seem to work, more so possibly, when both parties have their own partners.
I guess I have even stayed friends with my ex… and that friendship works OK. One of my tog friends read the post, and sent me a text…
“Oi, just read your blog…. we’re friends aren’t we”?
“Yeah course we are”!
“There you go then… I look at you like a little sister”!
“Awwwww that’s nice… and you’re like my big bro”!
“There’s the answer then, men and women can be friends… But if you ever fancy some incest… just let me know”!
“Jeez… get outa here you pervert”!
I guess, it all depends on your own outlook… It’s one of those questions with no definitive answer… That YouTube was funny though, and yeah maybe it was edited, who knows? But it was kind of… we think this, and men think that.
So, it’s the last week before Christmas. I do feel a little more Christmassy, what ever that feeling is supposed to feel like. Perhaps it’s just coming to terms with having nothing to do, coming to terms with, just enjoying a rest and doing nothing constructive. Matty is working right up to Friday afternoon, so I’m on my own, which doesn’t help. I guess I’ll just talk to MollyCat, and see if I get any answers.
Two more little gatherings will break the week up a little. Tuesday, there is a lunch with some work friends, and Wednesday evening a dinner with Doreen and her husband.
Right now, it’s gym time… booooooo. So, thanks for reading, and thanks for all the comments, even the Ferne Cotton one, which made me giggle… and there are no shorts under the Liverpool top, just me!
Have a great Monday xox
The Truth Is Out There!
Someone posted on Twitter yesterday, the very simple question… “Can men and women be just friends”? While the question may be simple, the answer, if indeed there is an real answer, is less so. One of my Twitter buddies posted a link to a YouTube video, which explored the question.
The video was made at Utah State Campus Library, and the guy fronting the small documentary, put the same question to girls and guys. Strangely, every girl answers the question with, “Yes, men and women can be friends”… while every guy he asked, said “No”! Mainly accompanied by a fit of laughter. Now, ages ago, in my single days, I wrote a post on here about the same thing. At the time, I had half dozen or so male friends, who, in my mind, were just friends. My definition of male friends, those males who dwelt in the strange place called, “The Friend Zone” was, I hadn’t slept with them, and had no intention of doing so.
A few people at this time disagreed with me. Saying, although I didn’t want to sleep with them, they probably did want to sleep with me, otherwise they wouldn’t have me as a friend in the first place. That point of view, which was shared by quite a few people, came as quite a shock to me… The reason for the shock was quite simple. Way back then… I was pretty fuckin’ stooopid!
When I started dating Matty, all these so called friends just disappeared… You’re totally amazed by that news, aren’t you? I can tell.
So, Platonic relationships, as defined by whoever defines this stuff, says this. A Platonic relationship, is where there is no desire for snogging, rubbing genitals together, or anything else of that nature. And apparently, for this type of friendship to work, both parties must feel the same way. Perhaps then, this is where I was going wrong.
Why then, do we women all answer “Yes” while all the guys answer “No”? There are actually a number of reasons. Firstly, when a guy says he just wants to “Be Friends”, we women just actually believe you. Secondly, guys tend to be more visual than women. You fancy us because we look pretty, while we tend to fancy you because you make us laugh… that explains how you ugly ones get laid. Thirdly… we actually mean what we say. When we say, “Lets be friends”. We actually mean “Lets be friends”… Men however, mean “Lets be friends, because one day, you might let me put my hand in your knickers”.
Sadly, it took me 26 years, and a YouTube video to realise all this. And here’s me thinking I am intelligent… Jeez… just shoot me now, and put me out of my misery!
Thursday was a really quiet day, with nothing much to do, I cleaned the kitchen… which was already clean. I went on some sort of mission to own the shiniest toaster in the universe. I even managed to bore myself with that little task, so I set about cleaning the clean bathroom. Anyway, the taps look amazing!
So, it’s Friday, and I think they call this, “Black Friday”, because tonight is the busiest night for police and ambulances… with drunken party goers and such like. So, if like me you are our partying tonight, take care and be safe xox
If you want to watch that YouTube video… here’s a link… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA&feature=youtu.be
Who’s Walking Who?
There are a couple of things we all have in common, no matter who you are, where you live, be you man or woman. We all make presumptions based upon first impressions. In fact, these days, with social networking, we even make presumptions based upon an impression about people we’ve never even met. We press the “Follow” button or ask to be “Friends”… and it’s all based upon a feeling.
I like you.
My Dad says… “You are the only person you can never meet”! And I remember him telling me and my brother one night, “Always be yourself”! Actually, my Dad’s renditions, stories, and basically telling us at great length, “This is how it is”… were legendary in our house. But there is some truth in what he says. ”You are the only person you can never meet”! Really means, you never really know what other people think of you, because you can never be in their position.
To be fair, I know what a ton of people think of me. Photogs leave feedback on model agency websites when they have worked with me, left as a guide to others who may want to work with me in the future. I do the same for them. Most of mine, well, almost all of mine, are favourable. But, while I may be amazingly amazing to work with, that’s just work. And work related comments don’t necessarily reflect the true me. Also, some togs are willing to lie about my time keeping capabilities, so perhaps other areas are exaggerated too.
You can see this in action, especially when shows like X-Factor are on TV, or that crappy thing set in the jungle… Twitter comes alive with opinions, some people like, and other people dislike the same contestant, for reasons best known to themselves. It’s based on impression.
Take dating. We’ve all been chatted up once in a while, and we make a judgement to either chat back, or just walk away. We have probably walked away from some very nice people, just because, in that split second, we have formed an opinion. I think, in my time I have heard every chat up line known to man… From the very corny, to the very straight forward. From “Heaven is missing an angel”, to “Hey, can I buy you a drink”? The funniest chat up line, one which I really do remember, and one which did work, was some guy asking me… “So, Thunderbirds… what do you think”? Perhaps I was drunk, but it just made me laugh.
One thing we never do is ask… because asking, is not the done thing. Whether that be in business, a casual friendship or a first date, we never ask the question… “Well then, what do you think of me”? You’d just sound like a complete idiot. I guess in terms of dating, if you get asked for a second date, that’s almost the same thing. Some sort of confirmation, the other person thinks you are reasonably OK.
To be honest, mostly, you find out about this stuff second hand, or you overhear stuff about yourself… or something is dropped in a conversation by mistake… “He said what about me”?… “Oh I thought you knew… sorry”!
My Dad’s advice to “Always be yourself”, is slightly misguided. I think I have many sides to my personality, and we all do. I can be extremely flippant, I can be a complete idiot, and I can also be very quiet, deep and thoughtful. I used to pride myself on having an ability to not care about people… yet I do care deeply. I guess we are all characters of contrast, light and shade, Yin and Yang.
Yet, for people to truly know us, we first have to pass the test. We have to pass the First Impression Test.
It’s funny really, because in my case, I think I’m a grower. Lot’s of people haven’t liked me at first, but grow to like me after a while. I must radiate some false impression of being up myself or something, at least I hope it’s false. To be honest, probably like you, I have opinions about myself, not really formed by what other people say about me, but how I feel about myself. That possibly makes them less accurate?
Wednesday, Kelly and I arranged to take our two Party Plan girls for lunch, our way of saying “thanks”, I guess. They had to take a day off work, book a holiday, which for one was quite difficult as Christmas is almost here. I drove over to Kelly’s house, and I was early, which kind of threw her. When I arrived, Sampson House (that’s a joke by the way) was deserted, so I sent a text asking where she was…
“What you doing being early?… I’m taking Sam for a walk, won’t be long”!
Sam… or “Son of Sam”, a play on Son of Sampson, is Kelly’s doggy… and yes she is weird. Most people who get to know Kelly, get the dog stories, but most gain the impression, Kelly would have some breed of small pooch… something cute maybe, something fluffy and cuddly. But no, Sam is a massive Rottweiler, like a small horse, I think he is actually bigger than she is. I stood on the end of her pathway, looking down the country road, and from around the shallow corner, they appear. I must admit to a little giggle, because the sight of a tiny Kelly walking slowly behind this massive Rottie is just funny.
The change from dog walking farm girl, to smart business woman, took about 30 minutes, and then we set off for the pub. The lunch was nice, and the talk wasn’t all about work, actually we all had a good laugh. But that puts an end to this year, I think we can lock the door and flip the closed sign.
Christmas cards are a pain in the arse, writing them is just boring! Mr. Postman has been delivering ours, mine, his, every day. They started off sitting on the mantelpiece, above the gas fire, now I have had to string them together, and they hang from the dining room/kitchen door… I have run out of door! I have also opened some, and thought “Who on earth are you”? Turns out to be Matty’s relations… Jeez, they will all expect one back, won’t they! More cards required!
Card writing seems to be something I do… looks like it’s somehow become my role in life, because if I didn’t write them, nobody would get one. Matty doesn’t get involved, he just supplies addresses for the distant relatives who I’ve never heard of.
One thing which really bugs me, is when people spell my name wrong… cards which proclaim, “To Matt and Sara”… Wooooo that really bugs me, there’s an “H” on the end you Dufus! Also, some of my work acquaintances send me cards addressed to “Tracy”… and for some reason, even though my name isn’t Tracey, the miss-spelling of that name winds me up too! “Trace” is fine… I can also handle “T”… but “Tracy” is just a big No No! As for versions of my real name, I quite like “Saz”… I also like “Sazzle”, “SazPants”, “SazzlePants” or even just “Pants”… but don’t write “Sara”… because when I see you, I’ll just punch your face… it’s got an “H” on the end!
We watched the doc about Steve Jobs at 9pm… The Hippy Billionaire, I must admit, I didn’t know much about him, I only know from the iPod onwards really, the history of Apple and all the ins and outs, the wars with IBM and Windows, that’s all new to me. But he came over as someone who was focused on an idea, and that in itself is kind of cool. I know he re-invented how we listen to music, some say he rescued music, because sites like Napster were taking money away from the industry… with free illegal downloads. We never used Napster did we? Noooo of course we didn’t! The very thought! Never used Limewire either… honest!
The thing which struck me, was how simple the ideas were… Take an iPod and put a phone into it… Make it bigger and take the phone out agin… It all seems so simple, but nobody else thought of doing things like that. I guess he thought of things we would all like to have, and created a need… That’s a pretty awesome selling technique. In fact, creating need, is at the very root of selling anything. What he did though, was turn need into want… lots of Apple stuff is bought, not because we need it, but because we want it… we actually create our own need later.
So where was I? Oh Yeah… first impressions. To be honest, I have never really been bothered who likes me and who doesn’t. You either do or you don’t… either way, I can’t do much about it, and in the great scheme of things, it isn’t really very important. But for some people, being liked is very important. Yesterday was the last PMQ’s for this year, and with all the shenanigans of last week, and talk of a massive rift between our coalition leaders, it was prime time for the Ed Miller Band to score some points. Sadly, his joke about Clegg and Cameron being at odds, backfired badly, and he ended up looking the idiot. With all the government cuts, and the splits over Europe, you would expect this government to be pretty unpopular. That isn’t the case though, in the poles, the Labour opposition trail badly. So now, the spotlight falls on the Labour leadership.
My first impression of the Ed Miller Band was… he’s not right for the job. To me, he just looks, and comes across like a complete drip. I may be wrong, he might be a brilliant guy… but somehow, I don’t think so. And neither do others, even in his own party. I think the major problem is, I just don’t like him, and that’s a big minus, because, if you want people to follow you, first of all they have to like you.
First Impression… Fail!
More Prawns
Uuuuugggghhhhh! I am feeling pretty full this morning. Last night, Tuesday, we went for a Chinese, one of these buffet style meals, where you pay a set price and just help yourself. You can just keep going back for more… and more… and we did! My photog friend Nigel, and his wife Teresa, had invited us for a Christmas “get together”.
It was mad busy, they had to reserve a table, and when we arrived, slightly late, the restaurant was packed. I think there must have been some women’s club Christmas party on one set of tables. Tables had been pushed together to form two long tables, and these were taken by a gang of mad women… definitely some sort of women’s club, because there wasn’t a man in sight.
So, three hours of eating… Three. Hours. Of. Eating. Back and forth with our little plates, a little portion of this, some more of that… Oooooooo and try some of this dish too. Seriously, by 11pm I felt like a beached whale! Waddling down the stairs to go home, squeezing my ass into our car. This morning… I just feel full, I think I had enough prawns to fill a small fish tank.
Tuesday, Mary Portas, who is a retail consultant, submitted her report to the government. The conclusion… The High Street is dead, and some may disappear for ever. It’s a subject I talked about on here once, and her thoughts on the subject, sort of echoed mine.
Now, I know people say it’s old fashioned… “Just shop on line Duh”! or “Go to the Mall stupid”! I know that, I run an on-line business, I’m not stupid. I know the high street is stuck in a time warp,but what I am saying is, lots of businesses would like town centre premises, but they are put off taking on the commitment. The high street needs to be different from the many Malls this country has.
Just down the motorway from where I live, the huge, massive Trafford Centre sits, just off it’s own special motorway junction on the M60. The Trafford Centre, or as my friends call it… “The Traff” has got everything you could ever dream of. Set on two floors of shopping heaven. The Traff is also under cover, so you don’t get wet in the famous Manchester rain, it’s warm, it’s got cafe’s, it has bars, restaurants, it even has a cinema… Whatever you want… you can bet The Traff has it somewhere. Parking is free too, you just park up, walk in, and shop till you drop!
My home towns, town centre, by contrast, is a pain in the arse. First of all, parking is a nightmare. Free parking on a road is minimal, and limited to 30 minutes. Most parking, you have to pay for. The town itself, is basically two roads set out in a cross shape. It has had a shopping mall for many years, but recently, it was expanded to attract Debenhams. The expansion was meant to attract new shops to the town, but what happened was this. All the high street big names, just moved into the New Mall… leaving massive retail units empty. And they have stayed empty ever since.
The problem is, these buildings, once occupied by the likes of Boots, Next, Dorothy Perkins, are all too big to be filled by small businesses, and any larger name brands won’t take them on, because they want to be in the Mall. In all honesty, although the Mall is really nice, it has decimated the old high street. The old Woolworth’s is now a massive “Pound Shop” and the recently “Gone Bust” T. J. Hughes store still sits empty.
It’s a while ago now, maybe a 18 months or more, but Kelly and I once had the insane idea of opening a shop. We looked at one or two in the town centre, and had a chat to a guy at the council. The rent and rates, on what was a very small shop unit was just under 21 grand combined. That’s an off putting amount of money to find. OK, we were offered a rent free period of 6 months, but even with that in place, it was still too much of a risk for us. So how do you revitalize the high street?
First of all, the high street needs to offer something different from what is on offer in the Malls… small businesses need to be offered free rent and free rates for 12 months. To those who say, the councils need to make money from rent, I would answer, these properties have sat empty for years earning councils nothing at all… so what’s the big difference?
The larger empty units, need to be made into smaller units, by partitioning them with new walls, this would attract smaller traders to take them on. They are far to large as they are.
Parking in town centre’s needs to be free. The argument that shop and office workers would fill the spaces, has no truth, because these people already park there now, and they are not full. Free parking might be very expensive for councils, but they need to compete with Malls who seem to manage very well without a charge.
My final idea, would be to lower the VAT rate. Small traders cannot afford to buy large amounts of stock, because the new-ish high rate is prohibitive. This also has a knock on effect to wholesalers, who now find it hard as they are holding on to stock for much longer. Also, the general public are not spending as much as they used to, and the hike in VAT has contributed to that problem too. If they lowered the VAT to 10% possibly, people would begin to spend a little more in all areas. Let’s face it, a 20% VAT rate, is a ridiculous amount of tax to add onto goods which are already rising in price, due to other economic factors. For every £100 you spend in a shop, £20 of that amount is just pure tax! Even if the reduction was for just 6 months, it might stimulate the economy.
Personally, I think, if we are serious about kick starting our economy, we have to do something radical, we need to try something different from what we have been doing in the past, because what we are doing now, simply isn’t working. To be honest, if a politician needs Mary Portas to tell him or her, the high street is dead… you can’t be much of a politician. It’s obvious, the reasons for the demise are obvious, the remedies for their revival are obvious… So what are we paying these politicians for?
The high street is important for many reasons. The properties which stand empty do not make any money for anyone, however, they could be places of employment. This would get people back into work. They are also our towns, our nation, and having tumbleweed blowing through them, simply doesn’t look good. They need to be used, they need to have life, but also, they need to offer something different. They need local businesses which are unique to each town… we can’t just let them fall into further decline.
So, there is just over one working week until Christmas, and I think for us, all things work wise will now start to slow down. Our two Party Plan girls have done their last parties, and these orders will be our last for this year. I think a large “Phew” is in order. We are taking them both out for lunch, just to be incredibly sociable, and we are giving them a little cash bonus as a “Thank You” too. They don’t know yet, it’s a bit of a Chrimbo surprise for them.
I do feel a little more Christmassy, a culmination of all work coming to an end, and possibly wearing a paper hat in the restaurant last night. Perhaps, I have just resigned myself to the fact, this year is now well and truly over and done with, and before we hit 2012, there is a couple of weeks lull. I may as well just enjoy the lull. Enjoy the rest, slow down to a complete standstill, and stuff myself with mince pies.
I love mince pies!
Ghost Patrol
Boxing Day see’s the release of a couple of big films, Boxing Day is the 26th December, just in case you live somewhere where it’s called something else. Don’t ask me why it’s called Boxing Day, because I have no idea, and neither does anyone else… it just is.
Anyway, Boxing Day see’s the release of “Mission Impossible 4 – Ghost Protocol”… not “Ghost Patrol”, as Kelly calls it. If you’ve seen the trailer of Tom Cruise running down the outside of highest building in the world… he did that for real. Totally amazing, I think when we go to see this film, I had better take a paper bag, because Matty is bound to bring his dinner up when he see’s that stunt.
The other film is, “Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”, which is adapted from a Swedish book, originally called “Men Who Hate Women”. Yeah, it’s been done before, but this one is the Hollyweird version, with Daniel Craig… better known these days as Jimmy Bond, licensed to thrill. So, a dilemma… which one to see first?
So, I have been plotting our Boxing Day entertainment, without really feeling that Christmassy thing yet. We’ve got the tree decorated, which MollyCat spends hours playing with, and the Postman has begun to deliver cards. Christmas cards are a huge insight into how your friends and family see you. Go back a couple of years, and most of my Christmas cards would have a “Party” theme. Cartoons of some drunk party reveler sitting in a bin… which was obviously meant to be me. But now, my Christmas cards tend to have pictures of cats. I wish I had kept a handful of cards for each Christmas… I bet you could plot your life by the different and changing themes.
Monday then. Gym day, and home made Minestrone soup… and a big roll. Later in the afternoon, we had a meet up at Doreen’s shop, because some girl had made an inquiry about us dressing her wedding venue next year. Getting across town took a little bit longer than usual, and parking was a pain, but I was on time. Anyway, the woman turned up, and we talked colours and the usual stuff, and in the end she decided to book.
During the conversation, Kelly asked…
“So, have you got much left to plan, or have you got everything now”?
The woman had a little think, and replied…
“Well, we’ve got the church, and obviously the venue, and now this, but that’s it really, up to now anyway. We’ve been decorating our new house, that has kept us busy”.
“Oh nice, I love decorating”! Actually, Kelly does like decorating… she’s a bit strange. Then the woman added…
“Obviously, I can’t move into the new house until after the wedding, so I’m still living with my parents”.
Kelly looks puzzled… “Why can’t you move in until after the wedding”?
“It’s a sin… we’re both Christians”!
I’m not sure if it’s kind of sweet, or kind of stupid. Obviously, it’s their choice, and everyone has the right to choose how their relationship runs, but you don’t really get to know somebody until you live with them. It’s totally different when relationships are on a more casual footing, a “See you tomorrow… or maybe Friday” kind of relationship, is very different to living with someone. For one thing, you don’t have to iron their damn shirts!
To be honest, the conversation took a turn towards the gutter, but I am pretty sure, even marriages which have an overly Christian theme, need a little more verve than just singing hymns to each other. And if you don’t know what you are going to get, well, there are no refunds!
The evening, which seems to start around 4pm these days, because it’s so dark… comes around very quickly. I decided to cook liver, which looks pretty disgusting, and feels pretty squidgy before it has been cooked. The sink looked like a murder had taken place… I was expecting Taggart to turn up. It was nice though, with massive mushrooms and sliced onions all mixed in a weird kind of stew.
MollyCat who won’t go outside anymore, due to the cold weather, has turned to inside toiletries… which means she kicks kitty litter all over the kitchen floor. I tell you, you really have to love your animal to clean out kitty litter… yuk! Pretty funny really, because she has this embarrassed expression on her face when she’s squatting in her tray… “Yeah, well now you know how Mummy feels… Ha”!
We watched the Chelsea, Manchester City match, and I kind of annoyed myself hoping for a City win… which didn’t happen. It’s sad, when you want teams above to lose, so we get nearer a top 4 slot. It would be far better if we piled our own points on, by beating lesser teams. Still, we should be used to it by now I guess… some things never change.
Why!
This post is written from a very different place from my last post. We as a country, have been cast adrift on the Atlantic, at least, if you believe some people we have. I was listening to the radio, before David Cameron went to Brussels, and one guy, just a member of the public, was saying… “We are stood on the edge of an Abyss… if we don’t sort this Euro mess out, there will be no cash in the cash machines tomorrow, the country will grind to a halt”!
Well, he was being slightly dramatic, because the Euro mess isn’t sorted, and guess what… I drew £20 out on Saturday. People are saying, we should have a referendum regarding our continued membership of the EU. My Mum and Dad didn’t vote in the 1970′s, because they were too young, but when that referendum was put to the people, it was purely about trade agreements. Since then, things have changed. The Euro has become the currency of all the countries apart from ours, and laws made in Europe affect us in ways, nobody back then would have believed.
Cameron’s decision to Vito the talks, was not necessarily taken in our interest. More, the decision was made to please his party, the Conservatives have always been anti-Europe. But it was also made to protect “The City”. Protecting our financial sector from paying 35% towards a big pot of cash, put aside in case of future problems. What you have to remember is, while Labour is tied to Unions, the Conservatives are tied to The City.
So, are we in a good place, or a bad place? To be honest, I don’t know… and I don’t think anyone does. But we were never really keen on being fully in Europe. Even when Labour were in power, they didn’t do anything to scrap Sterling…We have always been “Part Time Members”, of the EU, we like the trade, but we don’t like anything else. This country has a strange attitude towards the rest of the world. We like to think we are Europeans, but we also like to think we are “Best Friends” with the USA. And while that is fine in theory, it causes problems, because the USA has financial issues with Europe, and we end up sat on a fence. We try to be everyone’s friend, and end up pleasing neither.
At times we are like a “two faced friend”, saying one thing to one, and then fucking them over to please someone else, and at other times, we are like an annoying yappy dog, trying to be fussed, while quietly pissing on the carpet.
Last week turned out to be far busier than I imagined. The run up to Christmas has been good for sales in the world of underwear, and it’s been a bit frantic at times. Hence, I was a bit erratic, posting on here, and I’m not sure if what I did write, actually made any sense. My mind was elsewhere, shall we say… I was a bit vague in real life too, so I am told, but that’s not really anything new. I do vague very very well sometimes.
Friday night was the Golf Club Dinner Dance… not my favourite thing, but, I guess it was fun. A night out with my Mum and Dad, and Matty. My Dad and Matty are members, but while my Dad has played golf since before I arrived in the world, Matty is quite new to the game.
The funny thing about these dinner dance things at the golf club… Years ago, when we were little, my brother and I used to get dragged around the course by my Dad. His idea of babysitting us, was playing 9 holes practice while my Mum went shopping. I went as a young teenager too… passing him clubs and helping find his ball in a forest of trees.
Now, because Matty has taken up golf, we have been to this, and last years Christmas dinner. Matty and my Dad have become golf buddies, but some of my Dad’s long standing friends, have not made the connection, and one guy made a comment…
“Oh Ray, (that’s my Dad) I didn’t realise Matt was was your Son-in-Law”!
“Whoa! hang on a moment… Son-in-Law? That’s not accurate… he’s my love bunny, we ain’t married”!
Then there are others, who say…
“Oh my God… Ray, is that your Sarah? She was only this high last time I saw her”! Making waist high hand gestures to sum up my height. To which Matty answers…
“She still is waist high… it’s just the heels”!
It’s always weird, when you meet people who were adult when you were a child, it’s like they never expected you to grow up. It’s as though they remember you at 8 years old, or 13, and that’s how you’ve been frozen in time. Frozen in their memory, and that makes them say stupid things…
“You’re all grown up”!
“Well, stuff like that happens I guess… you know, most people do grow up, so I am told”.
“You used to be such cheeky little madam… and look at you now”!
To which Matty mumbles… “A cheeky big madam”?
Anyway, the dinner dance was quite good fun, a three course meal, and then some awards, the naming of next years Captain, and Lady Captain… and then a disco. It’s been a year since I danced with my Dad… he hasn’t improved any in that time, to be fair, he’s still a foot shuffler. Still, it was a laugh I guess.
Saturday was quite a lazy day… a long lay in bed, just me and MollyCat, me sprawled out, and her all snugged up next to me. She’s in serious training for the England Sleeping Team, and training is going remarkably well. Matty had gone off playing, “The back Nine”… so a whole morning to myself. Actually, I wasted my morning with complete laziness.
Saturday evening, after watching the Liverpool v QPR match, which we won 1-0… we were watching Strictly, and we were in the middle of ordering a Chinese to be delivered. I was trying to decided between Chicken and Mushroom with Fried Rice, which usually swims in garlic, or Chicken Chop Suey, which looks remarkably similar. We were just about to order by phone, when Janette and Bryan turned up unexpectedly, so, two meals became four.
They stayed with us till just after X-Factor, before leaving to trot around town with some other friends.
Anyway, Sunday wasn’t much different in terms of laziness… another long lay in bed. Sunday morning snuggles started off with Matty putting his arms around me, and saying…
“Saz… you’ve really got to sort that bush out hun”!
“That’s actually MollyCat you’ve got hold of… thank you very much”!
If that’s too much information, I apologize, but how cheeky is that!
We went shopping at Asda, but a different store than our normal haunt. The roads are becoming absolute madness with people shopping for Christmas. The car park was absolutely packed too, and we had to wait for someone to leave, before we could park up. People take no notice of the road markings in car parkes either. The arrows painted on the ground may as well point towards Mars. But we are bigger than most cars these days, and I think when people see a 4×4 coming at them, they sort of shift out of the way.
Inside the shop, it wasn’t too bad, but it was a lot busier than normal. The reason for the trip to a different Asda, was because opposite this one, just on the entrance to the mall, is a bedding shop… and I wanted new bedding, a new duvet and pillow case set. Now, Matty didn’t look too interested in choosing bedding… He tried, but I could tell by the look on his face, he wasn’t interested. Also, he doesn’t understand cushions…
“Why do we need cushions for bed… we’ve got a bed full of cushions and they all end up on the floor”!
“That’s not the point… they look nice when people come over”!
“But nobody goes in the bedroom… do they”?
“No… but if they did, the cushions look nice”!
“But nobody sees them”!
“Matty… that’s not the point”!
“Well, what is the point”?
“I dunno… we just need cushions”!
We bought cushions and a duvet and six new pillow cases… and shoved them in the car, before tackling Asda.
We started off walking through the clothes section, not that we wanted clothes, but they’re just there, on the way in. What is it about men and womens underwear? Matty just stands there, gawping at all the bra’s hanging on a rack. It’s not like they’ve even got boobs in ‘em. Just rows of empty bra’s, which he seemed to find hypnotic, he even took one off the rack and held it to my chest… “Oooooh yeah… nice”! How embarrassing is that! Me with a big coat, a wooly scarf, and he’s holding a bra to my boobs, everyone looked!
I did one of those shouty whispers…. “Put it back… NOW”!
We didn’t need much, just snacks really, and something for his work sandwiches, and some treats for Mollycat, she likes salmon sticks. As I said, I had this long scarf around my neck, which is an item of amusement for Matty, who likes to get my attention by giving one end a sharp tug. In Asda, he decided it would be funny to guide me to certain snackies, by dragging me by my scarf… like a dog on a lead. I’m walking one way, the next thing, I am jerked, and then dragged backwards down the biscuit aisle.
In the queue, he decides the wrap the full scarf around my face and tie it in a knot on top of my head… much to the amusement of the girl on the till… who asked…
“How do you put up with him”?
All I could do was mumble… “I dunno”! … and, “I can’t get this knot undone”!
Sunday was X-Factor final night. Saturday had seen Amelia Lily get the least amount of votes, so Sunday’s final, final, was between Little Mix and Marcus Collins. As we all know, Little Mix won, I’m not quite sure how, but there you go! The more controversial part of the show came when Coldplay did a guest slot. Partly because, Coldplay said once, they hated X-Factor and would never play the show, but also… you either love Coldplay or you dislike them intensely. I fall into the later camp. It’s not jumping on a bandwagon, it’s because they have no soul, no feeling. Sure, they put on a good show, and Chris Martin Pogo’s to every song, but that’s my point. Every song follows a trusted formula…
We were watching a BBC4 documentary about the Blues. How the white bands of the sixties, and early seventies took Black Southern American blues, re-packaged it, and sold it back to the States as rock. Then, invited the original Blues players over to the UK to headline tours. Underlying this, was the question, “Can White people really play the Blues”?
I sort of touched on this in a previous post. It’s not that White people can’t play the Blues, it’s just that to play the blues well, you need to have sadness in your soul. You need to have been down pretty low, so you can call upon those emotions and wring them out of that guitar. If you’ve never felt truly down… you can’t play the Blues. You can’t make people cry, if you’ve never truly cried yourself.
I guess, music born from slavery, poverty and genuine despair, could not be portrayed by middle class university graduates, art college students or even working class Brits of the sixties. In fact, if you have any training or understanding of music at all, it’s hard to emulate someone who makes it up as they go along.
To be honest, even though people say “I love your playing, blah blah blah”! I can’t play the Blues. I can play the tune, play the notes, but I don’t feel, because I’ve never been down that low to feel.
I feel the same way about Coldplay, it’s a lack of genuine feeling which puts me off, and puts me in the camp which dislikes them. Talented? Yes, of course they are, but without soul, they become boring.
Out of the 3 finalists in the X-Factor, Amelia Lily had soul. She felt some of those songs, and that’s why I think she should have won. It’s not about how much you want something… it’s about why!
The Disappearance Of Days
It doesn’t take much to get me excited. Actually, it would help if I could read. On my phone, I have three e-mail accounts, one is my personal account, the other two I share with Kelly, one for our undies, and one for our venue dressing. The venue dressing one, is also shared on Doreen’s phone, we all get the same messages, so at least one of us will pick them up.
My phone dinged on Wednesday morning, and all I saw was the word, “Vogue”. I just thought… “Oh yeah… I’ve been discovered, Vogue want me for a cover shoot… move over Rihanna, it’s my turn”! Wait till my Mum finds out… Lambert’s youngest is in Vogue UK!
Anyway, it was the wrong e-mail address, it wasn’t my personal one, it was the damn venue dressing account. Vogue were trying to sell advertising space… Gutted!
Wednesday morning, I must have hit the “Snooze” button once too often, which meant we were slightly late getting up… so, mayhem broke out, a mad rush while Matty got himself ready for work. He wasn’t late leaving, but it was a bit mad in our house first thing, actually, it’s usually a bit nuts anyway, but Wednesday, a little more so.
A couple of little jobs to do on Wednesday. Another bank trip… more damn cheques to pay in, and also, I have finished the accounts for our undies business. I thought I would tie the two jobs together, and rather than have Chris, our accountant, drop by to pick them up, I offered to meet her for lunch instead.
The accounts this year, have been a little more complicated to do, some explanations regarding payroll runs, party commission payments and such like were required. Still, overall, we have had quite a good year, considering the mess the economy is in, I guess we are quite pleased with how well we have done.
Some tales of woe too, from Christine, about how some of her accountancy firms big accounts, have been struggling this year. Businesses which have gone bust, businesses which have had to contract in size to save money… and lots of debt. Her firm chasing payment for accountancy work done, and some debt which will never be paid. Even in the world of accountancy, people are worried about their jobs. I guess it stands to common sense, the less businesses there are out there, the less accountants we need.
Thursday was a windy day. The predicted hurricane hit Scotland, and we, in the North West of England, caught the outer tail end. While winds hit Scotland at 140 mph in places, here it was a more modest 50.
Thursday was also the funeral of Matty’s friend, a pretty sad event, even when the family tried to celebrate a life, it’s still very sad. Matty could only take the morning off work, so as soon as the funeral was over, he set off, to get to work, so, we missed the wake afterwards.
I met up with my friend Natalie, for lunch, and a trot around the shops. While we were both wrapped up to keep the wind out, we weren’t really able to keep the rain out. Even people who had umbrellas couldn’t use them, because the wind was wild. It began with a few big dobs of rain, and then it just lashed down, we had nowhere to go… Stuck in a shopping street with very little cover, even standing in a doorway didn’t help. The rain swirled around in all directions, and we were soaked through in seconds.
Actually it was pretty funny, for some reason we just laughed, amid some screams… Shopping though, was a fairly uncomfortable, squelchy affair.
This week, destined to be fairy quiet, has turned out to be busy. The days have just flown by, and here we are on this calmer, if still gloomy Friday morning. The weekend is upon us, and it only seems minutes since the last one.
The Hired Help
It is quite clear, some of my acquaintances think I am pretty stupid. I have been writing this blog for a fair while now, without any real agenda, or to be honest, without a set subject. Funny really, because as I was saying yesterday, some people don’t think it’s enough, and I don’t think they realise how much effort goes into composing this crap, and making it almost understandable to the average “dropper in”.
I spend about an hour writing a post, maybe a little bit more, especially on a “writers block day”, and then of course, there are always interruptions, and then thoughts of where I was up to, before being interrupted. Maybe then, writing 5 posts a week, takes up 7 hours of my time. When it is put into context, that is a full working day lost to blog updates… Not enough?
Some of my acquaintances think I am stupid, because I do all this for… well, I do it for myself really, and if people drop in for a read, and like what I say, that’s an added bonus. But, because I do this for… just for the sake of doing it, that makes me stupid. They say, I should be peddling some on-line shit, selling you some junk… or leading you all to some website, like the Pied Pipers sister, where I fleece you for some service.
While stupid me, and my equally stupid friends, moan about the lack of work during December, some of my acquaintances love this time of year. This is the time of year when their “Wish Lists” hit the Internet, with links to Amazon, and other such sites. A Wish List, is essentially a list of goodies you would like, and you compile a list, complete with links, so people can buy them for you.
“You’re mad Trace… make a list babe”!
So what is on a Wish List? Well, almost anything you can think of. One girl has a list which includes a 50 inch TV, and an Apple laptop. She isn’t actually alone, most have high end tech on their lists, with a little massage, which usually says… “Anyone who buys me something off my Wish List, gets a special massage”.
In reality then, these “gifts” are purchased by strangers, and sent to an “address”, and for parting with your money, you will get a personally written e-mail of thanks…
Now, I can’t even think of anything I want from my boyfriend, never mind make a list for strangers. I am missing the point though, the whole idea isn’t about receiving presents, it’s about turning the presents around into cash. Buy a 50 inch TV for one of these girls, and it doesn’t get removed from their list, hopefully a few will be bought, because they’ll just sell them as soon as they can. So while Mr Present Buyer feels good, because he has this idea he has won favour, and his fave mod is now watching his TV every night… it’s actually on E-Bay… “Boxed, band new, complete with all leads, instructions and manufacturers warranty”.
OK, I know some girls keep the presents, but they sell last years present instead, whichever way you look at it, it’s just a rip off. It just makes me feel sad really. It’s pretty sad, because someone could dream up such a scheme, and equally sad, because some men fall for the scam.
This woman who said… ”You’re mad Trace… make a list babe”!
I asked her… ”So, you declare these presents then”?
“What do you mean”?
“Well, it’s income… it’s a gift, it’s payment in kind, it’s taxable”!
“No way!… They’re presents! Anyway, nobody will know”!
“They’re on Amazon… you think that’s a secret place? You’re getting goods for free and selling them for profit… it’s declarable income”!
“Get off… you know what… you’re boring Trace”!
So, there you go, I am officially boring. But, on a positive note, I sleep well.
We spent Tuesday evening at my friend Jakks house, investigating the strange noises in her wall. Actually, there were no noises, but at least, hopefully we have put her mind at rest. The chances are, what she heard was hailstones on her glass conservatory. But then again, Jakks was once convinced Werewolves lived in her parents bathroom. Perhaps then, it’s an over active imagination, fueled by being alone. Houses make noises, especially at night, pipes cool down, and things contract… it doesn’t mean the house is infested by Lycanthrope.
While we were there, we helped her put her Christmas tree up. Her husband Chris, who is away working, doesn’t like Christmas trees. Apparently, he said something like… “If I brought a tree into the house at any other time of the year, you’d think I was mad”! That may sound like the proverbial ”Humbug”, but it made me giggle. The whole visit to Jakks, spanned 3 hours, from setting off around 8, to arriving home at 11pm. So, we sort of lost a complete evening.
Monday was a pretty normal day, gym, followed by the usual Monday trip to my cafe… home made soup was on the menu. I thought I would tell you that, as some are very interested in my diet. Monday was also a day, where we booked another venue dressing job for next year, we were surprised, at least one person is still making wedding plans, amid all the Christmas shoppers. But that is really good news, because next year is looking very good. We now have more bookings for next year, than we did all this year, if that makes sense, and it’s only December.
Life at the moment, has been revolving around underwear. Our party plan girls have been busy, even some of their ex sales have been coming back to order, even without a party to order from. But, the busier we become in this lead up to Christmas, also has a flip side. Returns are up… items which don’t fit, have had to be sent back, which causes paper work, and trips to the damn post office.
My friend Dee, who we never did arrange a night out with, is quite the entrepreneur too. She sells shoes on E-Bay, and takes a weekly trip to some huge warehouse near Leeds to buy her stock. Now, this is where Kelly and I started, selling damn shoes. But what we found, shoes are a pain in the arse. If there is one item of clothing which causes stress, it’s shoes! The reason? Well, every manufacturer seems to have it’s own sizing method. A size 5 from one manufacturer can be different from anothers size 5…. In a phone call, I mentioned how difficult we had found selling shoes…
“Oh we started off selling shoes, they’re a nightmare, swapping 5′s for a size 6, too tight, too small… they’re a nightmare”!
“No, I don’t swap anything… if they order a size, they get that size… and if they don’t fit, it’s just tough shit”!
“Yeah, but surely you get complaints”?
“Yeah… tough shit”!
I may try this tough shit method, it sounds a breeze, it would save all the trips to the post office… If it don’t fit… It’s Tough Shit! That could be our new slogan… But on second thoughts? Maybe not.
Also, I have been busy washing the weekends chair covers, I now have this thing in my head, someone could make a last minute booking, so the poor washing machine has been working overtime, just in case. This has caused another shirt shortage, Matty has run out of work shirts once again… and I am to blame. I am now on my final warning, and if it happens again… I will be replaced!
I am not quite sure why the shirt shortage is my fault, after all, I don’t wear shirts. But, I have been reminded, any electrical products in the house which are white in colour, are mine. Apparently, that’s why these goods are painted white in the first place, it’s so women can recognise them as being theirs!
I think Matty just enjoys being slapped.
A couple of gathering dates have been added to the pre-Christmas gathering list… we are fast running out of available dates, as there aren’t many days left before “The Big Day”. Doreen and her husband have invited Kelly, me, and our men for a meal. Kelly and I are taking our party girls out for lunch one day too… I don’t know which day yet, as they have to book time off from their real jobs. Natalie wants a nice quiet shopping and lunch day… A Quiet Day? With Natalie? That will be a first! And my tog friend Nigel, has asked if we fancy a meal and a beer, one evening in a pub somewhere… it’s all very vague, but we said “Yes no problem”.
The “Big Do’s” this year, are Matty’s works dinner dance thingy… and the Golf Club dinner dance thingy. I was thinking, this will be my 3rd Works Dinner Dance Thingy… I am becoming part of the furniture! Even Matty’s boss has asked if I am going, and because the answer was “Yes”… we are invited to sit at his table. That news was pretty funny I thought… See, I might be crap at organising shirts, but I get him a seat on the top man’s table… It made me laugh anyway.
Anyway, as you may know, there have been a couple of new updates on my website. I must confess, with being a little bit busy lately, I have had to hire in some part time staff to help me out.
Is That Your Ear?
There was a research news item which said, the average person will spend £750 on Christmas presents, and each of us will walk 30 miles around the shops to find them. Also, because of the recession, are we in a recession? Anyway, because of the recession, we are all looking for a bargain, which means retailers are feeling the squeeze. Basically, watch this space in January, because some shops may not make it.
We’ve had the discussion before, about on-line shopping killing the high street, and I guess, that is just a sign of the times. It’s a battle between those who like to touch and feel, against those who like to click.
Now, my friend Jakks is becoming legendary for finding bargains, she’s also becoming legendary in other areas too. But, she can find bargains on-line like no other. I must say, I am pretty useless as a bargain hunter, and I don’t understand the logic.
Jakks wanted a coat from a well known shop. The shop price was £50, but on-line, the same coat was only £30. This is the same shop by the way, not two shops in competition. Jakks reserves the coat on-line, and then goes off to the shop to collect it. It didn’t fit, so they found one on a rack which did, so a £50 coat for £30. So let’s just get this right.
If I walked into the shop, the coat would be 50 quid, if it didn’t fit, the next size would still be 50 quid. Yet, if you reserved the coat on-line, the price drops by £20. OK, so the concept is, on-line shopping is a competitive place, prices need to be low, but logic says, it’s the same damn stock! I just don’t understand the concept at all… maybe I am just stupid. I mean, all Jakks has done, is tell them she is going to their shop. Perhaps then, every shop should advertise, “Give us a quick message to say you are heading over, and we will drop all our prices… just for you”! No wonder shops are struggling, they’re all now competing with themselves!
I did write up the weekend, and intended to post yesterday, but I didn’t, just because the weekend wasn’t really too interesting. It was pretty damn lazy. Some things did happen, but I think I will drop them in, sometime in a future post.
The last couple of days have been pretty damn cold, we’ve had hail and rain, and it’s been so dark during the day, it looks like night time. We spent a little time on Sunday, putting up our Christmas tree. A feature of pure fascination for MollyCat, who just couldn’t resist an attempted climb. Our tree is a fake black one, so it won’t hold the weight of a fat cat, so she has now resigned herself to playing with the decorations… Shake that tree!
Staying on the Christmas theme, my present choice has now been taken away from me. I am useless, so my present is now going to be a surprise, which is quite cool, I like surprises!
On a more somber note, we have a funeral to attend on Thursday, which is pretty sad. To be honest, I feel like I shouldn’t go, because I only met Matty’s friend twice… I feel like a gatecrasher, encroaching on other peoples grief, but, I guess if Matty is going, I have to go too. I seem to have been to more than my fair share of funerals, so can we please make a pact… if you know me, can you please just stay alive… please!
Now, it seems that some people are disappointed to find I have not written a post, it seems, some people’s days are just not the same without a TraceyLouise fix, or a Sarah fix, whichever camp they happen to fit into. OK, I read blogs too, and I get that… “Lazy fucker ain’t wrote nothing”! feeling too… that’s just life I guess, stuff happens. But then those little massages, came on the back of someone having a little moan about me not visiting Facebook… and searches to find more shit about me. Now, while that is sort of half jokey, half serious, and possibly some reason for me to be flattered, realistically, I can only do so much.
You can find me here, most days… and even when I don’t post, I still reply to stuff. You can find me on my website, and you can chat to me on Twitter… other than that, if you want more, it will cost you at least a coffee… or I could just move in, but then, I would have to bring an insane cat with me, a ton of clothes, a car full of shoes… and a man. But hey, if you’ve got room, I’m open to offers. Free room and board will always be considered ha!
It’s actually quite funny, in a “funny peculiar” sort of way, how people gather perceptions about people they know through cyber space. I am pretty sure, the people I have met through this blog or Twitter, are probably pretty unimpressed by my presence. I am just very, very ordinary, I actually ooze ordinariness, I stand in a pool of melted ordinariness… honestly!
I was mentioning my new phone last week. I guess if you’ve had an iPhone 4 for a while, or a 4S like mine, you’ll be familiar with FaceTime. Whoever thought of including that feature, didn’t think it through properly! For people like my friend Jakks, it’s a great idea. Her husband Chris is working away down south, and she doesn’t see him for days on end… sometimes it can be two weeks. So, to see his smiling face on her phone is a bit of a bonus. FaceTime uses the camera on the front of the phone, so you can see each other while you chat… it’s like a mini video conference. Now I know you can turn the option off, but mine is on… so now, during the early mornings, I have been getting a phone call, and when I answer, there on the screen, is Matty…
“What’s up hun”?
“Oh nothing, I thought you might be in the shower, that’s all”!
Awesome! There is no hiding place. If you’re having an affair… don’t buy an iPhone, or at least, make sure your other half doesn’t have one too…
I have set my ringer on my phone to “Old Phone”, it sounds like an old fashioned phone… ddddrrrrring ddddrrrrring. The first time I heard it, I thought “What the hell is that”?… “Shit, it’s my phone… Hello”!
Anyway, Sunday night, we were in bed, and my phone rings, it was about half past midnight, and Matty and I were in the middle of a discussion. The name on the screen was Jakks… so I answered, after a short conversation about being able to see down my ear, it turns out she has called me using FaceTime… fuckety fuck!
“I called you on FaceTime because I want to show Matty my drainpipe”!
“Well, as you can possibly tell… he’s having a look at mine at the moment… what drainpipe”?
“There’s a funny sound coming from my wall… I don’t know what it is… it’s weird, it might be hailstones in my drainpipe, but it’s come away from the wall outside”.
“Hang on… I’ll pass you to Matty”.
Anyway, Jakks was worried about this crackling sound in a wall… she thought it could be some electric short out, or whatever? But here we are, now at 1am, all having a lovely video phone in threesome… foursome if you count MollyCat. Technology, don’t you just love it!
Anyway, I will leave you in peace, and return later with Monday’s nonsense… Adios!
Imbecile Moi?
Oh well. I spoke too soon. I was saying we only have one venue dressing job this month, and now, that isn’t true anymore. We’ve suddenly picked up a charity meal type job, for Saturday, which is tomorrow. It’s kind of short notice, but that’s not been a problem, so, a big smile at gaining this little job for the local NSPCC.
On a sadder note, one of Matty’s friends has died in his sleep, it seems he had a heart attack, and his wife didn’t know until the next morning. There was no previous illness or anything, and apparently he was fine when he went to bed. I’ve only met him twice, but it was still a shock. I guess you don’t really expect people you know, just to die like that. In fact, you don’t expect them to die at all.
So, he joins the 27 club, which seems to be growing in membership at an alarming rate! This happened during Wednesday night, and he was discovered on Thursday morning. Yesterday then, was a day, and an evening, where Matty’s friends where in touch having the “I can’t believe it”, conversation. But, in all situations there is always somebody who comes along with a comedy line…
“He’s dead! I can’t believe it… he was going to plaster my bedroom ceiling on Saturday”! Like that is some omen which wards off death. The Grim Reaper will have to wait until the plaster is dry? But then, the same person added… “Shit… I’ll have to pay someone full price now”! I guess in a gang of friends, who constantly take the mickey out of each other, the jibes don’t stop, not even when one of them stops breathing.
Then of course, people say silly things in situations like this too, like… “Such a shame, and just before Christmas too”! Which gives the impression, January would have been a much better month.
We’ve been talking about Christmas… again… yawn. It seems, in some circles, or at least, in some peoples minds, the value of the present, dictates the amount of love felt. I know we all tend to spend more on those very close to us, but in little groups of friends, it seems to be important to spend the same amount on each other. For example, if you spend £5.99 on me, I have to kill myself finding something for you priced at £5.99 too. If it’s priced at £5.50… oh well, my life just isn’t just worth living!
Now I know that might seem ridiculous, but yes, I know people like that. Gravity forbid they make a loss!
But then, things are never easy with those close to us either, we seem to have got to a point where the monetary value of presents has become an important topic. And it really, really isn’t. I bought Matty an iPad, and with being a man, he wants it now, but he can’t have it yet, because Father Christmas has it… in a lock up. But now he wants to spend the same amount on me, and I can’t think of anything at all.
This is our third Christmas together, and I don’t think the present value has ever been equal. I think, in previous years, mine have tipped the scales in my favour. Last year, it was by a huge amount. So in my eyes, fair is fair, and it doesn’t matter. But no… he is the man, and his present to me is important. I think it’s a man thing!
Actually, I have come up with a short list of presents. I fancied a box of chocolate liqueur’s, it’s been ages since I’ve had one of those. I have seen a nice pair of earrings in a jewelers in town, and maybe a couple of sets of guitar strings, as this Strat thing eats ‘em!
Apparently, that list is either not good enough, or not long enough! I mean, most men would be doing the happy dance wouldn’t they? Anyway, I have been told, if I don’t think of something soon, he will choose something instead. I think that is a threat!
The Clarkson story did run… in fact, it ran and ran, and it was the subject of the first question on BBC’s Question Time. The number of complaints made to the BBC about his remark, have risen from 47,000 to a staggering 127,000. Staggering, because it looks like some people take a little longer to be offended than others. A full two days in some cases.
“Dear BBC, I wasn’t sure on Wednesday evening if I was truly offended by Mr. Clarkson’s crass remark. I thought about it over Thursday, as I have Jack Shit better to do with my life, and I discussed it with a few friends who don’t actually exist, and now it’s Friday…. I am OFFENDED”!
Have a great weekend… and don’t forget to laugh 
xox
Lights Out
After being asked, many, many, times, we have decided to have Christmas Day Dinner at home, pretty much as we did last year. Then, we’ll take a trip over to our folks. So, therefore, some unfortunate turkey is going to end up in my oven. Such fuss though, for what is, after all… just one day, and just one meal. Still, at least it goes some way to justifying owning a dining room table. I think last Christmas was the first time it was used for it’s purpose, and soon it will be it’s second. Still, at least it’s becoming regular use.
I think my Mum is disappointed, I think she likes the family Christmas meal, all of us gathered around her table, passing bowls of sprouts and carrots to each other. I miss it too, my Mums Christmas dinner is cooked to perfection, where ours will be based on total guess work. Last year it was fun though, just the two us us peeling vegetables in the kitchen, it may not sound like fun, but it was, it was a right giggle.
Also, it makes Christmas morning less rushed… no getting up, getting ready, and rushing over to my folks for a certain time.
To be honest, I still don’t know what I want as my “Big Present”, that’s my present from Matty. I joked when asked… again, about what I wanted… “My present? I thought the iPad was my present”! But, I have thought and thought, and I still have no idea what I want… “Nothing”, is probably a truthful answer. Perhaps then, I am that woman… the one who has everything. Apparently I am “Very hard work”!
We had an e-mail from one of our underwear suppliers. Partly as a reminder, Christmas is almost upon us… I hadn’t realised… thanks! But also, they were informing us about one or two special offers. One is a cream coloured bra and knicks set, complete with sussies and stockings… with mid blue detail here and there. It look’s really classy, so we’ve told our sales girls to push them… Matty however, had different ideas…
“Oh yeah, oh yeah, that’s f***ing amazing… Get One”!
“You’ll look ridiculous Matty… anyway they won’t do your size”!
“Not for me stupid”!
“What’s the point… the last time I wore sexy undies, you couldn’t get the damn basque off”!
“Hhhmmm true, but that’s not a basque”!
“And how long would I be wearing it for… 2 minutes”?
“Be a fun 2 minutes though… Get One”!
Wednesday was “Big Strike Day”. Described as a success by the organisers, and a “Damp Squib” by the Prime Minister… I watched some of the events on BBC News, and at times they interviewed people, asking their thoughts. Each and every small business owner said pretty much what I said yesterday. While we have sympathy with them, about broken promises, we don’t really care about your woes… Perhaps it’s an English thing, but people marching with banners, and chanting stupid slogans about solidarity and unity, I find slightly embarrassing. If you haven’t got enough money, get a second job… earn more, and stop whining about your damn pensions, which I pay for!
Anyway, you may remember, Kelly and I went into the babywear business… in a small way… is there any other way? But, to be honest, it’s not been a roaring success, at least, not so far. Partly, this may be due to neither of us not knowing much about babies. Sure, we have the basic concept, babies are small humans, we know that much, but we are not too clued up on what new mother’s dress their babies in. This isn’t to say, we haven’t sold anything, we have. But it’s just that some lines do sell, while some just don’t. And the lines which don’t sell, put stress on the little profit we make from the ones which do. I think it’s the buyers fault… Kelly. She gets all overcome with feelings of “cuteness” at the wholesalers… and she falls for the sale spiel too, sometimes.
Having some time on our hands, we decided to do some research into baby fashion… We came across an article on Netmums, about how worn out “New Mum’s”, kiss goodbye to romance… or to put it more simply, you just ain’t going to get jiggy no mo!
It seems, many new mums don’t know who they are, because they have morphed from girlfriend, partner or wife, into MUM… they see themselves as Mumsified, and they feel they have lost their identity. Some new mums said, they had forgotten who they are, and someone has actually come up with a name for the condition… “Mumnesia”!
Basically the problem is on different levels, some feel that they aren’t attractive anymore, some “Hate” their new post baby body, some think their partner doesn’t see them as attractive any more, and also, they are so wrapped up in baby stuff, they are too tired to take care of themselves in a pamper sort of way. Lot’s thought they had transended into being mum, and weren’t thought of as being a “lover” no more.
All this puts a strain on relationships, with women either being too tired to do the s*x thing… or feeling that their man just doesn’t want to do the s*x thing with them.
This all looks petty sad, no wonder sales are slow, all our potential customers are almost suicidal.
Non of this reading actually did us any good, we still don’t know much about baby fashion, but what we did find out was, once you’ve had one baby… if you make another, it’s likely to be done with the lights off.
The guest on the “One Show” was Jeremy Clarkson, and you just know he’s going to say something controversial. Well, he didn’t disappoint. His view on the strikers was slightly more radical than most. If you live on Mars, and missed what he said, it was something like… “They should all be shot, shot in front of their families”.
Now Matty and I looked at each other, because it was just one of those moments. Clarkson is like having an embarrassing uncle, who makes weird noises at the dinner table. But, I guess, that is just his sense of humour, he was born back in the day, when people could say exactly what they wanted. Personally, I believe it was a tongue in cheek way of saying the strikers piss him off.
Somehow though… I think the story may run.
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